Pool lessons

[Zues126]

Thank you guys.

When I'm really in a tough spot before a match I always journal. You guys are some of my best friends so I'm going to write it out here.

Tomorrow morning I play my first match. My opponent is pretty intimidating. He is an young hotshot from across the globe that just broke through on the international scene by beating the top players in the world and winning a championship title a few months ago. This kid is scary in a few ways. He has grown up learning to play the game in a way that I didn't know existed when I was his age. He has tremendous fire power and all of the tools. He is also composed under pressure, and full of belief and confidence. He is on a roll right now and believes the world is his and things are going to go his way.

For me it isn't as easy. I have always struggled with doubts and fears, feelings of inadequacy that lead to frustration and despair. It isn't all in my head either, because there are simply things that I can't do on the table that some of these guys can. And it's not for lack of trying. I know I've put in more hours on the table then this guy, I know I've worked harder. Maybe I learned from the wrong people. Maybe I didn't get in the ring often enough when I was young enough to sponge it all up. Maybe I had some bad habits that we didn't know were bad back in the 90s but the bar has risen. Maybe I set the bar too low of my personal goals, and now I look around and others developed themselves into players well beyond what I thought I could become. All in all, this tournament is waking up a lot of those familiar feelings.

I have to work myself through these. Years ago I came up with what I call the "invisible ninja" theory. It goes like this: When you compete, you are facing both physical obstacles and mental obstacles. The physical obstacles aren't easy to overcome, but they are easy to see. The mental obstacles are like invisible ninjas. You may not ever see them but they can take you out before you even knew what hit you.

I have seen many players fail to overcome a relatively easy physical challenge only to say "I shouldn't have missed that ball". This is because they only saw the physical challenge, and didn't even understand the ninja that they were doing battle with. It's hard to beat an opponent you don't see. It's even harder to beat one you don't believe exists.

I believe in the ninjas. I've faced them many times, and I've lost many battles to them. So these days when I prepare to play, I barely practice pool. That's not the hardest part. I try to get ready to face those ninjas.

Step one is spotting them. They never show themselves directly. But you might see a foot print, or hear a rustling in the branches, and know that one is about to strike. I try to be conscious of the signs that a ninja is nearby. This might be a sickening feeling of dread in my stomach, the fact that the pockets suddenly look impossibly tight and that the table is starting to look like an alien trapezoidal shape that I barely recognize. And oftentimes this is accompanied by a negative thought pattern.

Once I recognize the ninja I'm dealing with, I have to be ready to face them and do battle. Just like in physical pool where you learn the challenging situations and then practice ways to overcome them, I try to anticipate the mental challenges and then be ready to be aware of them when they arise and be prepared to navigate through them.

So as I sit with a feeling of dread and despair thinking about my match, I ask myself where that dread is coming from. I just found the match he played in the finals on Youtube and watched it to try to wake up those demons further, to magnify them until I could hear what they were saying. Here's what I heard, and here is the beginning of my defensive game plan:

Comparison Ninja:
How to spot: Self critical thoughts. This is one of those shots you don't hit as good as these guys. You'll never be as good as they are. You're going to show that when you fall short on this attempt.
Defense: This IS a hard shot for me, and others may be able to make it more often. But I only compete against myself. I'm here to enjoy giving it my best effort and try to handle this pressure the best I can.

Doubt ninja (when I have opportunity to lead or win):
How to spot: Doubt in my own ability, negative narrative. You can't win against this guy. You will find a way to mess this up because you're supposed to lose.
Defense: I'm not here to win or prove anything to myself or anyone else. I'm here to challenge myself with this exact adversity. I flew here just to face these doubts and I look forward to meeting them head on.

Defect ninja:
How to spot: Thoughts about how abnormal I am. Something's wrong with you, you have so many demons and fears, you have to work so hard just to play a match of pool.
Defense: That may be true, but the flip side is that I am so driven I do whatever work is needed for me to be ready to deliver my absolute best. This is one of my gifts and an advantages.

You don't fit in ninja:
How to spot. Self consciousness. Feeling left out. Everyone else here is tall and athletic and covered with sponsorship patches and they all know each other. No one even talks to you.
Defense: I don't expect permission or approval from my opponents. The challenge of the game is for me to give myself approval and permission. I'm proud of myself for being strong enough to take this on by myself without an armor of patches.


Now, you might think this is a lot to be going through your head when you're at the table. You are right. This is why I prepare. In the past when I've done my best I've spent hours and hours letting my brain spin ahead of time with all of these doubt and fears. I picture myself at the table with a shot and then being attacked by a ninja, then I'll picture myself using my response. I'll practice with a 'ninja flashcard deck' and pretend I'm being attacked every few shots. Basically I try to get all of the hopelessness, fear, and dread out ahead of time. At it's best when I get in the ring I find out it's never as hard as I imagined it. But for me it's only ever been easy when I've over-prepared and planned on it being impossible. I'm not expecting it to be easy. But I didn't come for easy. This is the toughest pool tournament in the world and I came for tough, so bring it on.

You never know how it's going to go. Maybe I lose to the ninjas and don't even give myself a chance. Maybe I overcome all mental adversity, bring my best game, and it isn't enough. Maybe I win this match.

But regardless of outcome one thing is clear in my mind. The match doesn't start tomorrow morning. The match has already started. I am competing right now as I type these words, sit with my emotions, and allow myself to find some tranquility within the storm.

And whatever happens, I am glad I'm here facing these battles then sitting at home wishing I had the courage.