Chapter 5 - Turning over to a new page

[Sotto]

I chose not to file for D - it's a deeply personal choice for everyone as marriage is such a central thing in our lives. On this forum, I have seen people file because it was necessary financially, or because they wanted to be in the driving seat - or because they were deeply hurt or angry - and many other reasons.

I have also seen people stand for their marriage. For me, I hadn't wanted the marriage to end and so I didn't want to file for divorce. I wanted to have stood up for our marriage when it was in crisis and my ex wanted out. Also, reading Michelle's work, I realised that one spouse feeling it was 'the end' might not mean 'the end.'

I haven't regretted my decision not to file - and there are others around who don't regret their decision to file. Sometimes people file after spending many years trying to make things work, or recovering from infidelity or some other betrayal.

I think any time we question - should I file - we aren't really ready. Many times I have seen people post - you know if/when the time comes and wouldn't be in any doubt. I never felt that way and in my case, my XH filed and finalised the divorce.

I have no regrets about my decision to stand. My regrets would be more around what kind of wife and partner I was, and how I might have been a better partner - not that I was an awful partner, but I could have been better in ways too.

The main thing is to be at peace in the longer term with any decisions you make now.