I agree about the torment and I very much saw that with XH. I think he vacillated between highs with OW - to dreadful feelings about the duplicitous existence. After BD he said to me that the lying was the worst thing that ever 'happened to him.' So, he disassociated himself from the lying even - avoided direct responsibility - it happened 'to me'.

But BD was a huge relief to him, to unburden himself and 'come clean' was cathartic in his case. And since then he seems not to have looked back. Equally, it is difficult to see that a R in his circumstances could work out - she's 17 years younger, emotionally fragile, her last R was an A, his M broke up, then she cheated on him with XH - it's a disaster zone really. But my situation is one where a R with disaster written all over it does seem to endure for a good while - 3.5 years in fact.

Again, it may seem like I'm focusing on it heavily - truly I move solidly forward most of the time, but it's been on my mind this week and maybe my musings may help someone...

Xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus