Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[Gordie]

Andrew,

Thanks. That is mostly correct except the filing part. She started talking D last September. I told her if she wanted that then she would have to do the work. She was all talk and no action and then filed in March without telling me and then didn’t complete the paperwork so it’s been delayed. Court dates have come and gone. She finally gave me a settlement agreement in September and it was total garbage and I told her that. We have discussed and now I am working with my L to draft a new agreement. If she was cheating before, she was hiding it from me and now she’s not. I didn’t snoop. She told me and that’s it’s not OM1 so I am labeling him OM2 but could be OM222 for all I know. Thanks for your advice and counsel because my gut says you are right, that she may be super nice when she is back. Reminds me of a time earlier in this saga when she did something not so nice and then started making all my favorite foods.

Journaling:

I woke up and was determined to have a great day with my kids. The weather was spectacular. We had a busy day of activities and then I made a really nice dinner, my favorite. W only interrupted once to speak to the kids. I just picked up the phone and gave it to the kids without talking to her.

Forgot to journal about my d b coaching session this week:

Coach said to keep doing what I am doing. Keep distancing. Make her miss me. I told the coach that w actually said earlier this week that she misses spending time with me and asked if we could spend more time together. Coach said then it seems I should stick to this approach. I asked if it was against my d b goal to be pushing the d forward. She asked why I was doing that. I said I was doing that to protect my interests and the interests of the children and she said then of course that makes sense. Ask your L how fast or slow you should push it.

Coach spent more time focused on me than the R. She said I need to take care of myself. I am hurting a lot and I need to do what I need to do to heal myself. And yes, it’s okay to be angry. Give yourself permission to be angry. You have been wronged. But stop the moping. Moping isn’t doing me any good. Fake it ‘til you make it. And soon, you won’t be faking it anymore.