[quote=AndrewP] Gordie - If this follows the usual script, expect her to be extra nice to you when she gets back and try to do something nice.
It's up to you how/if to deal with that.
Thanks for the warning. How should I deal with that? Plan is not to ask any questions of how was your weekend? Just keep my distance and be friendly but not friends.
I wish I knew the answer to that. I'd have to go back in to some of my old threads that have pain in them that I would rather not see but I remember being very very confused and very angry and holding it all inside. If I remember it correctly it was in May 2016 if you feel like looking. It wasn't pretty though. I had poor boundaries and was chastised for it.
The facts of your situation as I know it are: - She's living under the same roof as you for an indefinite period of time. - You are both parenting and the kids are pretty much in the dark about what is going on. - Nothing has been filed anywhere. - You don't specifically know the know the agenda for this weekend but I think the consensus is that it's with current OM and that is your own belief as well.
Not sure if that is the case or not. The "classic" answer would be to throw her crap on the lawn and change the locks. People who are here on the DB site don't tend to do that.
From the title of the new thread you are throwing in the towel. Nobody here, especially me is going to judge you one way or another on this.
I know that from my own in-house separation that my W would be in a fabulous mood after spending time with OM which I would pretty much always mis-interpret.
What I think it comes down to in DB terms is "boundaries". She's crossed a really really big one. If not this weekend then before. There are consequences. Be distant. Don't get sucked in by the "nice". Presume anything that she says / does is to minimize and normalize the situation.
If I had to do it all over again, perhaps the position I should have taken was to state that "it's over" and start working towards a timeline for her departure. You need to remember that the person you are dealing with is now living in FairyLand and not Realsville and they will have completely unrealistic ideas about how it will all play out. If you try to "wake her up" - it could all blow up rather spectacularly which could be good but you have to worry about collateral damage with your wee ones.
As I think I said before - this is the toughest thing that you will ever do. Be strong. Pick your own path. We're all here for you.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
