This used to be easier - and a lot more fun, cont.

[DonH]

I am sure one day you will meet someone when you least expect it and they will fit all of your qualifications. Why do you think you have not put yourself out there that much and or are indifferent right now towards dating?

If only I even had one fun date for every time I've had someone tell me this! I've heard it for over 10 years now and still has not even come close to happening. To be honest, I've sort of resigned myself that it likely never will but we will see.

As to why I don't put myself out more, I actually used to. It was in part of suggestions from here but more so that I just was not getting anywhere. I just really have not. That's really the main reason.

You also asked if I was over the hurt and such from my marriage. Well I'm without any doubt whatsoever over exW - long ago already. I think I'm over the M as well but that, together with my experience for the most part since has landed me where I am. I'm not at all a trusting person to begin with. I most of the time have a very, very good sixth sense. I trusted ExW when my gut told me to question it. in the end, the things that I feared would happen actually did. I had so many people telling me how I was going to lose a wonderful woman if I didn't marry her, blah, blah, blah. Funny thing, several after the fact said I should not have. Well people you can't have it both ways!

Anyhow, it's that coupled with my experiences since that really have soured me on all of it. If you take the time to read through my last year of threads you'll see what I'm talking about but here's a quick recap:

I wad D'd in October 2006 and didn't really date much at all until the end of 2007 and 2008 - which is I think the correct way to do it. One of the two R's did not give me as much concern as the other but both had some red flags. Online dating was miserable. I think I messaged over 100 people on Match as a paying member and went on like 5 dates? All were one and done. When I tried a second time several years later I could not even get a response. Those who did contact me were, how do I say it, just not even close to what I would be looking for.

I can't tell you how many women through friends and just life that I've met who don't even want to date. I can recount and name at least a half dozen who I tried to get to know or asked out who have not dated me OR ANYONE in years and don't seem to want to. Others are just plain not right - and I don't mean just not right for me - they are NOT RIGHT. It just gets to a point where why even try anymore? Then I look at friends and while I can name several who are happily married, many are not.

What I would really love to find is someone just to do things with, travel with, etc. I'm told there are women like that out there and to be honest, I sort of think that some of those who don't date and are as independent as I am would fit the bill but they would rather just be by themselves - perhaps as jaded as I've become?

So, not to sound completely dejected and given up, I've come to decide, with input and help, that I'm better off just letting it happen when I don't expect it - if it ever does. I'm certainly less pissed off and bummed out this way I'll tell you that. I have over the top self-esteem but it takes it's tole when you are rejected over and over and over again.

That said, I've only met a very, very few people that I am attracted to. The one I was most attracted to lives 10 hours away and is soon to more 20. Others just reveal red flags as I get to know them or I just have no attraction to begin with.

Hope that fills you in a bit more Joseph