The post from Zeus is excellent! I hope you will read it over & over until you have it branded in your brain.
Quote:
To be clear, I don't enjoy the screaming and having her around. I don't enjoy enabling her (though maybe I'm conditioned to do so after 18 years of M).
We can see this type of conditioning repeated throughout threads in newcomers. Especially when it's the man's first long term relationship. His W trains him.....and\or he becomes conditioned. Most of these H's have the nice guy syndrome, so it's not hard to figure out the dynamic in their MR. And the sad thing is that if the M reconciles or if he goes into a second M.....he will repeat his old behaviors. Know why? B\c he has nice guy syndrome!
This M may not saved. However, you can save the next one by saving yourself from the NGS. Please don't just slide over this as though it is just more acronyms. Read about it, b\c it is affecting your entire life....and will affect your future if you don't make an intense effort to tackle your NGS.
You are dealing with a lot right now. The energy you are spending on your WW, could be used in learning about the NGS and how to change the dynamics in your relationships....especially with women!
So, take it seriously and start tackling the problem only you can control.....your NGS.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
