I think you're right on about him talking to his mother through you. If it doesn't make sense, always change your point of view to theirs, with the little info you might have about his childhood. He sees the kids as starving because his hunger is probably triggering that memory from his childhood. I'm sure he is trying to "fix" the situation now that he can drive and pay for food, much as he probably wished he could or that someone else would have for him.
What if you role played it back instead of defending yourself? What if, when he does tht type of thing, you just say, "dinner in a half an hour! Hope you'll be hungry." Or if he mentions neglect on your part, you just text something like, "I had no idea that I wasn't caring for them adequately! Thank you for calling it to my attention!" And then proceed to make a large dinner. In other words, validate his feelings so he feels heard. The worst that can happen is...leftovers the next day.
If he is working through childhood issues and he is in the process of transference, using you as a means to confront his mother, he would need to feel heard. As much as it feels good to point out his faulty thinking; shame, guilt, and powerlessness are probably what he is trying to work through. Go ahead and accept the role of his mother, but let him "win" in the present and feel comforted and cared for. See what happens. I'm all for psych experiments.
Hang in there, Ha. He seems to really be trying to move through things.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
