How a treehouse can cost you your marriage

[Clyde]

Emotions are all over the place the last few days, its been tough.

I slipped and pursued, we were talking the other day and she mentioned her grandma and aunt, I asked her what do they know about our sitch... did they get the bogus TRO version of events, and if so is that playing a roll in her effort to R, if the TRO version is what they think is the truth, surely they would encourage you not to go back. (I know how stupid this was of me to bring up... not only was I pursuing, but I was being confrontational). She instantly shut it down saying she "is not going there right now", I said no problem.

I referred back to our last convo in which she said that she knows that I always loved her and still do, she never didn't feel my love, and that she never felt like a piece of meat in the bedroom, she felt like it was love, not just sex when we were intimate. All this is opposite of what she was saying the past few months and what I felt were significant reasons for wanting to leave, so I asked her what bought this change of heart/opinion and does't this change the dynamic? She again shut the convo down. I asked her if our convos were helping at all and she said "I guess"
(Now again, I know broke DBing protocol pursuing/seeking reassurances).

The "I guess" reply really made me feel good, I know it is not affirmative, but is a far cry from her saying that our convos didn't help or felt like harassment. So the "I guess" coupled with the fact that she is actually letting the convos happen and she is engaging in them makes it hard to stop. I also fear her pride is too to big to allow her to start the convos... My IC (formally our MC) said her pride might prohibit this also, however he also thinks detachment is crucial at this point.

Something else occurred to me as I over analyzed the "I guess" response... do I trust she is telling the truth, if we do R at what point can I fully trust her word? Now as I write this post and again analyzing it, I know at the moment I should believe nothing she says, but man was it refreshing to hear.

Detaching is really, really, messing with my emotions lately, I am far from coming to terms with it as I self analyze the sincerity of my efforts in detaching, this post is getting long so I'll go into that in the next post.