Fighting my way out of the dark Part 5

[sandi2]

I spit out "I'm sorry I robbed you of a daughter," mirroring her exact words from BD back to her. She was looking at something when I said it, and she pursed her lips for a second and said, "well, it's too late for me to have kids now. I even asked you if you wanted to adopt and you said no."

I really wished you had not apologized for not giving her a daughter. Gee, I didn't know you could control which sperm gender to fertilize her egg. But, it wouldn't matter if you could, b\c that is not the underline issue here. Your apology only puffed up her sense of entitlement and "justification" to point fingers at you for everything wrong in her life. You really can't win by offering these type of apologies, b\c she doesn't appreciate it and will still hold it against you. The problem is her cold, hard, closed heart. The sooner you get that, the easier you will make things on yourself.

I also figured I'd directly address her question from a week ago, where she asked why I often leave the room when she was home. I told her I did it because sometimes I didn't want to be around her. I said seeing her was a painful reminder of who she used to be, and it was a slap in the face to see the new her. I told her I was hurting, and I was hurting for my boys. As much as I tried to fight it, I started to get teary eyed.

Yes, YOU got teary eyed.....but not her! Stop saying this stuff to her. Do you think it is going to soften her heart? It won't. It just causes her to hold more contempt.

Anyway, by the time the movie was over, it was well after midnight. When I turned on my phone, I saw STBXW had texted me 6 times and called me twice! She said she wanted to know if I was okay and not dead on the side of the road somewhere. I texted back that I was ok. When I got home, she seemed mad and said she was worried about me since I'm usually not out so late. I thanked her for her concern and went to bed.

She was mad b\c you turned off the phone, and one thing a WW hates is being ignored by her H and not being in charge of him at all times. All you have to do is read posts where the LBH doesn't answer his phone when the WW texts\calls, and she is going to be hotter than a pistol.

Things seemed to be going civil for a while in the convo, then we got to a particular day where she and I both had something to do. I told her my plans were tentative and I wasn't sure yet. I had a smile on my face (she claims it was a smirk), and she sarcastically said, "What, do you have a date?" She had crossed my snark boundary. I got up and said "I'm done with this conversation. I'm not going to deal with snarky comments." As I walked away, she started yelling that she wasn't done yet. I walked into the MBR, closed the door, and locked it. I could hear her slam something down and say "I can't wait to get out of this house!"

10 seconds later she starts knocking loudly on the door and telling me to open it. I told her I was done talking. She said "I'm going to make a note of this." I'm thinking, ha, whatever. I wandered into the closet to start pulling my clothes together for the next day. In the distance I could hear her knocking and saying something.

OMG! This tells me she is used to throwing tantrums. She doesn't like for you to dismiss her, does she? You have a real humdinger on your hands. She has been spoiled rotten, and it seems you are paying the price.

Now you might ask why I let this continue. I guess it's mostly a morbid fascination. And I was honestly having a little fun in this whole encounter. With my new perspective, it's interesting to see what buttons she tries to push.

Oh, p.l.e.a.s.e., I don't buy that for a second! You are showing nothing different. You are still engaging in R talks and hearing her put you down. Remember this, as long as she is demonstrating wayward behavior.....engaging in R talks will set you waaaay back. No matter if you get something off your chest, or give an apology, or see how she'll push buttons......it will set you back. I hope you will believe me and just stop the talks.

STBXW told me if she came back into the M, things would be good for a while, but we'd just be back to the same place in 3 years. I told her that's just her projection of the future. She asked if I could really keep up these changes for 3 years. I thought about it, and said yes. She angrily asked how she could be sure I'd be able to do that. I told her there wasn't anything I could say to convince her of that.

That was your chance to say, "There will be no coming back". But instead, you sung the same old tune of trying to say just the right words to persuade her back. That does not work with a WW. She has to believe she could actually lose you, and that won't happen if you are constantly telling her it's not what you want. And, Why do you want her? Seriously? Why? If you really want this woman, stop letting her know it, b\c that is the opposite action to take with a wayward W. It does nothing but make you look unattractive in her eyes. Why would she want a man who would let a woman treat him the way she has treated you? I am not saying you are blameless, I am trying to tell you from the VP of a WW. Oh and BTW, she just tempt checked you and you failed.

I want to stress something here to you and JoeJoe, and I hope both of you will take it in the right spirit. It does not matter that your WW initiates a conversation. What matters is her tone of voice, attitude, and the actions displayed during the conversation. The minute the WW makes a snide remark, raises her voice, and shows any sign of disrespect (verbal or otherwise),.......that's the minute you shut it down. Leave the house, if needed, but don't stick around for her to use as a verbal punching bag. Take it from me, if she wants to discuss something with you badly enough.....she'll learn to do it in a civilized manner. It's hard to fight someone if they aren't there. KWIM?

If that had been you yelling at her and banging on her bedroom door.....she would have called the cops. You know it's true, b\c you are already expecting her to call them on trump up charges at any time. So, why on earth would you continue listening to these R talks, and her screaming and beating on the door? When are you going to stop putting up with cr@p?

Hey, as long as it's not dismissive or insulting, I welcome any and all feedback in my thread. I'm glad that anyone stops by to read and comment.

I hope you feel the same way after reading what I have to say in this post.

((Hugs))