Hi AndrewP and Sotto, thank you for dropping by and giving me your support.
H's email was very similar to the one he sent to me to open a channel the first time around, started off as an update about s(then)18 and continued on as chatty and a tester sentence about how I feel about him at the moment. So I have been here before - only last time I hung on every word and over analysed it looking for all the possible hidden meanings and blindly ran down the path pushing it in all directions ..... Well you know the result .....
This time I have spent far less energy on it, yes it was a jolt and I did feel queasy at opening the email, it also raised a few emotions, but generally I feel ok and have not spent my precious time and energy reading anything in to it. It has however, given me the opportunity to say what I have wanted him to know, and I learnt something I did not know, it served my own purpose, so in that respect I have used the emails to my own advantage.
Andrew: yes I am very tired, mentally more than physically. We are understaffed at work so I have been left on my own to cope a lot, I feel overworked, underpaid and underappreciate, but I feel loyalty to my clients so I would like to stick it out until their events are over if I can. I have been thinking of maybe finishing at Easter and taking 6 weeks to travel (camp) down through NZ to where my eldest s is while the weather is still good enough, His new house has a sleep out so I can use it as a base until I find a job and home. It's a thought and one that I can focus on to keep me moving forward.
