Its interesting, because I often ask myself if I will be willing to do the things I did for W with another woman. Think I would prefer to be alone, but have the option of calling a woman over for company. this^^ made me smile b/c I was like so, Can we ask them to "just leave now" when we want our privacy? Oh God...I'm laughing now.
And since my therapist HAMMERED how I "cannot marry the first man" I date, it's like I have to get a sign for "practice men" so that I can get to the real one...
Whether it be for sex or simply to hang out.
exactly, except there's the whole "what about THEM?" issue. And that's another thing, most of the men I meet are, to be fair, damaged.
Not "damaged goods" - but damaged men b/c they are divorced and that's something that wounds. (And so am I).
Gotta watch the triggers they have, and that I am discovering in myself.
Someone who can't laugh hard, is out. Seems inhibiting to me.
That's not a big deal for everyone but it is for me.
I Can't date an atheist,
and I can't date someone who totally blames their spouse for the divorce.
Must "Have insight" is on the list, too.
But at this point, I just want to focus on my happiness and well-being. Been with W since high school. So my entire adult life has been dedicated to putting her needs first for the most part. Even though I wasn't the perfect H.
yeah, I married in college so it's been 37+ years since I've dated. "Focus on our happiness -"
I feel like dating may be part of it, for me. To be clear, I do Not "need" a man in my life and I do not "need" to remarry. I need to be on my own for a lot longer.
I originally posted about this b/c of the "feelings" I had that I knew in my head contained a lot of projection. That's probably why my west coast T so hammered the point about not marrying the first guy I dated.
But it felt great! I mean, in my head I was fantasying about how the kids would like him & subconsciously I projected that he'd fill all my needs and there'd be no negative painful history.
I had to slap myself (figuratively) to snap out of the fantasy. But it gave me a lot of insight into H thinking he's SO HAPPY now, instantly. So "in love" when the mature part of me says that's insane.
and he can be that way, b/c It reminds me of a few of his "love bombs" in the past, when he'd feel awkward or alienated and want to have instant romance by dancing with me in an over the top way. Dramatic gestures.
Anyhow, my older sister was a great wife. I mean that with every ounce of me. Her h left her & 3 kids after 22 years of m, for OW.
Didn't marry the OW but kept being single b/c it took him 2-3 years to realize he'd blown it. Too late.
My sister married the first kind guy after the rejection of her divorce. But he's a lousy match for her & the family b/c he's very insecure and uneducated. Bummer. SHE told me to make sure I date a lot.
A I would rather be alone than wishing I was.
I have a lot of friends and family in the area. However, since I've been m so long, let's face it, I'm used to being part of a couple.
Which may be all the more reason to hold off on being in one.
Geez, I am overthinking this. I'll go with what feels natural for now.
And to be sure, I will not rush anything, and will have my antenna up big time.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
1) the procrastination on my end, of the divorce paperwork including settlement offersis kinda mind boggling. What's going on with me?
Procrastination on getting my condo in order is also. What's that about? Feeling disorganized and I guess - depressed but don't "act like it".
2) the racing thoughts I sometimes have at night. Like middle of the night gross dreams
and looping thought patterns. Negative, of course. Using the meditation apps on my phone A LOT...
input welcome
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
1) the procrastination on my end, of the divorce paperwork including settlement offersis kinda mind boggling. What's going on with me?
Ummm....you had a BRAIN INJURY, remember? (Yes, stroke is a form of brain injury). Cut yourself a little slack. Plus the stress and paperwork is awful. Do you have a good friend who you can enlist as your accountability buddy to help you get it all done?
yes, the more I ponder it, the more I believe it. And I'll try hard to remember this.
And when I think I'm "falling in love" (as of choice plays no part)
I'll ask myself if I could let this person care for me if I were an invalid, and whether I could do the same for them, in a natural way.
NOT the first date, however.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
1) the procrastination on my end, of the divorce paperwork including settlement offersis kinda mind boggling. What's going on with me?
Ummm....you had a BRAIN INJURY, remember? (Yes, stroke is a form of brain injury). Cut yourself a little slack. Plus the stress and paperwork is awful. Do you have a good friend who you can enlist as your accountability buddy to help you get it all done?
thanks KML, I need to be gentler with myself.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Geez, I am overthinking this. I'll go with what feels natural for now.
I think you should after being married for 37 years and going through what you have I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. Maybe it's time to kick back and be a little irresponsible!! You will know when your ready to get back out in the dating scene again! You come across as very confident, intelligent, articulate and insightful person who will have no problems attracting another partner!
Also, 25, think of this as the best paying job you'll ever have! Every hour spent filling out paperwork to be sure you get your fair financial share will have a great payoff.
Also, 25, think of this as the best paying job you'll ever have! Every hour spent filling out paperwork to be sure you get your fair financial share will have a great payoff.
Elle, you are a smartypants! I'm working on seeing it this way.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
