Trying to stay above water 2

[25yearsmlc]

hen

there is still hope. I wish you could stop putting so much weight into everything he does

and assuming it's all/nothing. So final. It's not. It's a step from this dysfunctional situation and it's space apart,

and then we shall see. If you can work elsewhere, I would.

For now, one step at a time. And no more asking him to cement his decision.

Truly not helpful. It's a rare person who admits confusion once they've decided to move out.

The LBSer is the last to know.

My older sister's h left after 22 years and they had 3 kids (rough teen years, she got to handle on her own).

2+ years later, and A month before she was remarrying, her h called to let her know that he "got it. He effed up, made a huge mistake and wished her the best in life."

I don't think they could have successfully reconciled but that's not my point.

My point is that the more she tried to lovingly convince him to stay, to show him where HIS happiness really lay,

the more he dug his heels in. But she was right. But there was no way he could hear her then.

I made what I considered organized cogent arguments to h. I cohesively explained why this departure was such a bad idea, and if I had been in court, as a lawyer, I'd have won.

But h was not a judge listening carefully to me, to make an objective fair decision.

Far from it.

I wasted so much time focussed on HIM/his actions/plans/feelings and the endless attempts to show him our family and marriage's worth.

That we were his priority but he just didn't know it, his confusion/pride were preventing him from seeing the truth.

But the truth was, h did not want to be a full time father to our children and h to me. Whether he admitted it to himself or not.

Period. Not saying your h is the same!

Just saying you need to take your focus OFF OF HIM