25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 7

[25yearsmlc]

Its interesting, because I often ask myself if I will be willing to do the things I did for W with another woman. Think I would prefer to be alone, but have the option of calling a woman over for company.

this^^ made me smile b/c I was like so, Can we ask them to "just leave now" when we want our privacy? Oh God...I'm laughing now.

And since my therapist HAMMERED how I "cannot marry the first man" I date, it's like I have to get a sign for "practice men" so that I can get to the real one...

Whether it be for sex or simply to hang out.


exactly, except there's the whole "what about THEM?" issue. And that's another thing, most of the men I meet are, to be fair, damaged.

Not "damaged goods" - but damaged men b/c they are divorced and that's something that wounds. (And so am I).

Gotta watch the triggers they have, and that I am discovering in myself.

Someone who can't laugh hard, is out. Seems inhibiting to me.


That's not a big deal for everyone but it is for me.

I Can't date an atheist,

and I can't date someone who totally blames their spouse for the divorce.

Must "Have insight" is on the list, too.

But at this point, I just want to focus on my happiness and well-being. Been with W since high school. So my entire adult life has been dedicated to putting her needs first for the most part. Even though I wasn't the perfect H.

yeah, I married in college so it's been 37+ years since I've dated. "Focus on our happiness -"

I feel like dating may be part of it, for me. To be clear, I do Not "need" a man in my life and I do not "need" to remarry. I need to be on my own for a lot longer.

I originally posted about this b/c of the "feelings" I had that I knew in my head contained a lot of projection. That's probably why my west coast T so hammered the point about not marrying the first guy I dated.

But it felt great! I mean, in my head I was fantasying about how the kids would like him & subconsciously I projected that he'd fill all my needs and there'd be no negative painful history.

I had to slap myself (figuratively) to snap out of the fantasy. But it gave me a lot of insight into H thinking he's SO HAPPY now, instantly. So "in love" when the mature part of me says that's insane.

and he can be that way, b/c It reminds me of a few of his "love bombs" in the past, when he'd feel awkward or alienated and want to have instant romance by dancing with me in an over the top way. Dramatic gestures.


Anyhow, my older sister was a great wife. I mean that with every ounce of me. Her h left her & 3 kids after 22 years of m, for OW.

Didn't marry the OW but kept being single b/c it took him 2-3 years to realize he'd blown it. Too late.

My sister married the first kind guy after the rejection of her divorce. But he's a lousy match for her & the family b/c he's very insecure and uneducated. Bummer. SHE told me to make sure I date a lot.

A I would rather be alone than wishing I was.


I have a lot of friends and family in the area. However, since I've been m so long, let's face it, I'm used to being part of a couple.

Which may be all the more reason to hold off on being in one.


Geez, I am overthinking this. I'll go with what feels natural for now.

And to be sure, I will not rush anything, and will have my antenna up big time.