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I think Sandi's three options are more like stages. It's really hard to start at 3, so I'd guess most people start at 1. Actually let's not forget stage 0, which is the begging and moping after BD.


Very interesting! I never thought about them being stages of the LBH. In fact, I had first switched positions of #1 and #3. I was not thinking of using all three, but rather choose one option. But your observation is interesting, and I agree most new arrivals on the board is going to use No. 1, and if he starts getting fed up..... then they resort to No. 2. No. 3 is usually chosen when his situation becomes so unbearable and the W is threatening D, anyway.

Actually, it was not my intentions to use them as steps, but rather decide which option to use from this point forward, until she ends the affair, and commits to do the necessary work to save the M.

To answer which one I would personally choose......of course, I would use the hard line approach, which is No. 3. My reason is b\c the few WW's that came to the board wanting to save their M, confessed that her H left her, immediately upon learning she would not end contacting OM. They all said that that action killed her interest for OM. It also piqued her interest in the LBH. In short, if the LBH plays things right, her focus leaves OM and it's placed on her H and winning him back into the M.

As TxHubby said, she can nearly have a miraculous recovery from waywardness\MLC. smile. In order to be successful in her ending all contact with OM, the H would need to follow through with option 1 immediately upon learning she is cheating and does not want to save the M. The longer he waits around to see if she ends the affair, the more respect he loses.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!