Any Advice 3

[CW2017]

Well, I'm flattered you've asked, but I don't know that I have the answer you want. Here is how I would look at yours and Gw's situation and the options. Both of the WW's are living double lives. GW knows his W is still nurturing her A by contact with the OM. Your W continues to work with her OM at the same place of employment. Both WW's want to maintain a comfortable environment at home (normalizing), without ending contact with OM.

Consider the three most common options below:

Option 1:
You do not focus on the third person (elephant in the room) and you focus on becoming a man only a fool would leave. You work on improving your personality, charm, confidence, male attraction, etc. You GAL, 180, add mystery, etc. You maintain a friendly, pressure-free R with your W. Basically, you are trying to show her a better you and the possibility of a better R.

I guess this is a pretty good descriptor of the current situation. But with option 2,

Option 2:
Set boundary, " I will not emotionally and intimately engage in a MR that has a third person on the sidelines". Then, you completely detach and live your life the way you want....you make daily decisions without any emotional attachment to her. You GAL for real.

I certainly used that language in the second confrontation in June which sufficiently scared her, believe me. But I guess because she showed so much regret (remorse?) and so readily agreed to MC I sort of backed off a bit.

As for "tweaking" my advice about your situation......
This has been going on for almost a year, right? Speaking as a former WW, I think she could continue the affair indefinitely.....if nothing happens to cause her to make the decision to end it. After the MC released you (knowing there was an active A?), your W thought telling you that she was trying to pull back from OM.... would be enough to justify them working together. People in an affair cannot work at the same place! It has been tried many times, and guess who loses? The way to end an affair is by sudden death. If she hears him talki ng from another office cubical or she sees him walking across the parking lot.....it sparks that need to talk to him or stand closer, get him behind closed doors, etc.

As long as she has both worlds (both men), I don't think she will be motivated to change her actions. That's just my opinion.

your insight is marvellous, once again. I have no idea what my W said to the MC in her private sessions but clearly the MC was happy enough to discharge us on the proviso that we "talked more". Not so easy with a rug sweeping cake eater I guess! I would imagine we are back at stage 1 out of the 3 because I am happy enough (in myself etc.) to mentally detach myself from the situation whilst living under the same roof, consciously improving myself (but not necessarily "nicing" her). This would change with any subsequent BD with moving straight into 2/3 (think I'm mentally ready for this now) especially as I have a fully briefed lawyer who is ready to go (she was the one in fact who pushed me to go the MC) and also spelled out everything for me.

thank you once again