That when then a is long term, then it burns itself out the more they get tobknow each other. Most of us pushed for then a to end early and just made the two closer.
There is a difference between merely "pushing for the A to end" and taking a strong stand for yourself without regard for whether or not the A ends-- you simply make it clear you refuse to live in a marriage of three. This significantly increases the chances that a WW will be "jarred" into ending the affair, but certainly does not guarantee it. If it doesn't, you don't keep pushing/nagging/complaining/crying about it... you merely go about your business becoming the best "you" you can be... and prohibiting your cheater W from being a part of it. Sometimes A's do continue and do need to "die of natural causes", but I firmly believe you increase the chances of a successful/happy outcome (whether that outcome is just you on your own or you reconciled with your wife) if you early on establish firm boundaries and don't let yourself be (or be viewed as) a doormat.
Nor is this inconsistent with DB-ing. Sandi2 does a much better job of explaining/reconciling her views with DB-ing than I ever could. Read through some of her threads.
Especially if she "knows you know", a truly "Wayward" wife is never going to return to you if you don't earn her respect. And she will never respect you if she knows you are letting or even encouraging/enabling her to run around with another man.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
