Just want to grow and become happy again

[swoop]

I do need to adjust to being by myself. I know this, because I will need to be happy and confident in myself, before I can move into a future relationship. I will try that idea of "dating myself". Maybe I can fake it until I make it.

I have thought about seeking another IC. I will probably give this one more opportunity first. I've only seen him 3 times.

Today, I will get out of the house and do something, anything! I have to survive this hardship and start my new beginning

[doodler]

I will try that idea of "dating myself".

Be careful, dating yourself can lead to impaired vision and even blindness.

[joejoe1]

Swoop,

Please get. The new you starts today! Let's get him going.

[swoop]

I broke out my motorcycle today. In a previous life, I was a custom bike builder. I dont ride much anymore. My personal bike serves more as a garage decoration these days, but I put some miles on it today. I met with some friends, had a couple adult beverages and made it home in one piece. life isnt good, but its moving forward. One day at a time....

[doodler]

I broke out my motorcycle today. In a previous life, I was a custom bike builder.

swoop,

Awesome! I've been dreaming of a Ducati Monster. I watched "Easy Rider" over the weekend; a blast from the past.

[swoop]

I've been behind the bars of a Ducati Monster a few times, super cool bikes. My ride yesterday was enjoyable, and it helped to clear my head, if even just for a little while. However, last night was the worst night of sleep I've got yet. I could not get EXSO out of my head, for the life of me. I tossed and turned and stressed all night. I couldn't stop thinking of the past and how it all fell apart. It was just a brutal night, that left me feeling deeply depressed and sad. This morning is filled with tears and emotion. I know that this is part of the process, the ups and downs, but I sure wish the hurt would stop. I desperately want to feel happy again......day by day...

[TBSakaJ9]

Swoopy P....great GAL activity....keep it up!! I am not a rider but it sounds awesome!!

FWIW it took me about 2.5 months before I felt like I could function. I had a bad day yesterday but I am sleeping through the night and am functioning like a normal person. Tomorrow will be 4 months since she moved out and I would say my attitude, mindset and thoughts have really turned the corner over the past month.

Most of my emotions now center around my daughters.

[swoop]

Thanks for commenting, Joseph

I have been through this rodeo before, and I know that someday I will make it out alive. I am coming up on almost a month, I think. I have my ups, but mostly I am still down. I have an IC session tomorrow, and I hope that I can work through some of my issues, and move forward with this. It has put me in a real state of depression and feeling of loss. This was without a doubt, the woman of my dreams and now she is gone. It's just very hard for me to deal with at this point....Day by day....

[swoop]

I am struggling with my detachment. I know its early on, but I really wish I could set myself free from this. This week I have had more tears, and Ive also had more laughs, than Ive had so far during this journey. Im not sure what that means. Perhaps my mind and my heart are battling for position. I keep having such fond positive memories of the R. That makes this all so hard to accept and understand, but I realize we are individuals, and SO must have a very different perspective. Otherwise, we wouldnt be at this point. Regardless, my thoughts keep me attached and hoping that I will wake up and this will all have been a horrible dream. Wishful thinking, I know

My IC suggests throwing myself back into my work. I agree, but that has proven to be difficult, due to my lack of focus, and to be honest, just giving a **blank** about anything right now.

Ive been dilligently trying to GAL, reaching out to new people and old freinds. My dog has been my best support so far, unconditional love at its best. Hes laying on my lap as I type. I am trying my best to establish a new version of life for my daughter and I. If anything good has come out of this, i think it has strenghthened my R with EX-wife. Shes been very suppprtive and kind. I have to keep reminding myself of the positives and be greatful for what I have. I think that will be my path back to finding happiness. Its just a winding and treacherous path to follow at this point. I could sure use some guidance.....

[Holding]

Detachment is a process, not really a switch you flip. You *start* detaching, but being fully detached, from what I've been told, can take a year or more. I don't think that's a bad thing - it's just the way it is.

What you're feeling is normal. I've been through all that. Wishing this were all a dream you could wake up from - yeah, that's a familiar feeling. Feeling for you, man.

If you don't mind my asking, has your experience from your previous divorce been helpful in any way to get through this? Do you ever recognize things you went through before and find it somewhat comforting to know you survived the first time? I tell myself the rest of my life will be a cakewalk after I get through this hell.