I'm glad that Rott was here to lend a helping hand. I'm liking your new independent attitude.
But what you listed as goals I really see as steps that what you're doing is drawing her closer to you. Goals are YOU oriented. So I would suggest reworking the goals and listing those steps that will help you see if what you're doing is working.
Make sense?
Keep up the great job!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks Betsey, goals for me, I will retool them I think to involve me more, I see your point to try and draw her near to me, maybe I have trying that for too long. Concentrate on me, sounds like a great idea.
Any tidbits on how these should look, or what they should incorporate, because honnestly right now I feel good for me. I feel confident and strong all of a sudden, almost as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders lately. I don;t know where this feeling came from, but today I feel awesome.
I am going to think long and hard about some more goals, you two are helping me tremendously with these and I appreciate it very much. Should these goals be personal acheivements I strive for? Or should they be direct things I know I can accomplish soon without much trying. I am a little confused on these goals I should set, as Rotty's were more driven towards H then herself, just need a little guidance I guess.
Well nothing new to report other than I had a great weekend. I have been playing a bit mysterious, WAW called today I have yet to call her back, will keep my distance to see if she tries to reel me in. I can honnestly say I feel awesome again today, i think this new outlook I have has helped clear the cobwebs out and I am thinking clearly again.
No more pursuing to the max as before, doing stuff i like doing and it feels great. I've been darn busy I have not even had the chance to think about goals yet. They will come though I'm sure, this freedom I suddenly feel is quite overwhelming too. Its almost a euphoria of happiness so to speak.
I'm not saying I like this being alone thing but it does give me a chance to do things I could never do before, and it feels good.
One question though on the distance thing, do I keep it up for a period of time or see if it turns into something bigger. What I mean by that, do I use it as a goal or is it just time for me to find myself. I am having a bit of difficulty nailing down these short term goals as previously posted.
Betsey and Rotty, any insight into this??? Just looking for that kick in the pants to get me on the right track...
Well week one is over of the new me and here are some updates...
I have kept my distance giving WAW some space as she requested...Here is what i have noticed from her since I began. She is very pleasant when we do meet, and seems really interested in letting me know all the details of what she is doing, of course not talking about OM, but do I really want to know anyway??? She even invited me in for coffee when I dropped d3 off yesterday, quite a turn in events form 2 weeks ago when she told me to get out of her house as she didn't want me there anyway. Also showed me something that needed fixing in her home, and asked if I could get the tools and fix it for her...To some may not be much but I see these as baby steps for sure.
As for me, keeping busy, exercising more, eating better, resting and being super dad. Not waiting by the phone anymore, just doing what comes naturally and going with it, its kinda nice having some freedom to myself.
I am going to keep this up, as these baby steps are nice to see and to monitor. Are these the type of steps I should be encouraged about? Or am I looking too much for some positive reactions from her?
I am slower but surely ridding myself on the anger I have inside, I have seen a change in my attitude and even a friend commented on it, was asking why I was so cheery, mentioned that I have let go of the anger I had and it feels good, my friends have noticed me smiling more as well.
So the past week as I said was the start of new beginnings and things seem to be better for myself. I keep conversations light with WAW, just small talk anf talk about our d, no mention of the big D yet or anything like that. I also got a thank you from her not too long ago which was a change, I had cut some lilacs from my backyard and offered her some for her house, she accepted and thanked me for them, very good news, and even displayed them inher living room for everyone to see who comes over and made a point to let me know she had.
SO allthese little things ave transpired as I remain somewhat inthe dark, not really though, just giving her room to breath and take everything in. Hopefully the feelings she once had for me will return, but I know I;m a long way away form that but all these posotives make it all seem possible again. Again no talk about us, she knows and I am backing off how I feel, i also try to make conversation about her, to see what she is interested in and what makes her go these days, maybe find some new common ground for us to start at. Any ideas on that philosophy?
Please friends, some insight, comments, opinions, they all help and making this long journey bearable....
Hey Wood. Yes, Betsey is right you do need action oriented goals. To get mine, I restate the babysteps I want to see from H. Then I come up with the actions I will take to get them.
Sounds to me like she invited you to coffee, that's a babystep (sort of) you were looking for. Not dinner, but good anyway. Sounds like what you are doing is working. And that's what's important, nothing else. That what you are doing for you and your sitch works for you. Not the cookie cutter approach the book gives you. Instead, use the book as an outline and darn good source of researched info. Then tailor it to you.
I'm starting to see things clearer now, action orientated goals. I like the idea of stating which babysteps you would like to see and making goals to realize them, good advice. I'm still retooling the goals part of things, I want to make them attainable so I'm not set up for failure.
This is some hard for me though making goals, thats why I seem to be struggling with this part of it. I have some time to myself tonite, i will concentrate hard on coming up with some attainable ones in the the short term.
It's tough. My DB coach says to make them attainable in 2 weeks, and if they aren't, redo them.
I have had "H will say ILY" or "H will hold my hand" for months now. That's why I moved them over to long term goals. They just aren't as attainable as I had previously thought.
Well I'm back here again, with some more developments.
All is good in Woody's world, well not really still living alone. But personally I feel better. Here is what as transpired in the past month since I've been gone.
I've been keeping active, keeping busy and trying to let the cards lie where they may. I have had some R talks with WAW on few occasions, very light mind you but R talks none the less. WAW has told me that she feels regret and yesterday even said she felt somewhat embarrassed byt he ordeal. Is she starting to think clearly? But ont he other hand she is still involved with OM. Not so intense as before but still involved. I have tried to keep my emotions at bay by writting in a journal, helps me get out all the aggression and anger I feel, definitley a helpful tool right now.
funny thing happened today, WAW had to come to drop of the d3 stuff off for her swimmign classes. I had a copy of Divorce Remedy onthe table and she asked if I had read it, I said yes a few times and asked to borrow it. WOW! Is she for real, I don't know how to take that one, did she take it simply to take it or did she take it because she really wants to know what in there and see if it can help? I'm hoping for the latter...
Although it has been hard to deal with her ongoing affair, i feel she doesn't see it as an affair now as she is living in a seperate apartment now and probably just sees it as a relationship as opposed to an affair, but what can I do about that?
I was able to hold her hand just the other day, it felt wonderful and I could tell their was still something there between us, she didn't pull away or anything. Made me feel good. I had to ask her close to a week ago, if there was any chance of us ever rekindling our relationship or if I was simply living a pipe dream, she said I was not dreaming that it could be that way someday....Do I hold much water in that? I'm not sure yet, as she continues to lie to me about OM, but do you blame her, she said she would rather lie than rub it in my face, fair enough I guess.
Anyone out there ready to give me a boost to let me know its looking good. Because I fail to see it, time just drags on day after day, I know I must practice patience, but man is it hard, I constantly dream of her returning home one day, it almost overwhelms me at times. Please anyone, give me that shot in the arm I so need right now, the one that says I'm doing OK and to keep on keeping on.
Betsey 