What to Do? 4

[doodler]

Or three, she wants to be with Plan B until OM2 appears on the scene.

[chris19]

Or three; you are right.

[joejoe1]

Chris,

You can say. "I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for letting me know."

And then go grab a cold beer and some wings. Your day doesn't change from that information. If she wants you back, she has to express that and do some work.

[EastTN]

Her affair is (MIGHT BE--she could be lying) over. But that doesn't mean she gets to come home. Look into what sandi has posted about WWs. There needs to be remorse. There needs to be a desire to WORK for a restored M. There needs to be something more than "poor me, my OM left me, LBH, please make it all better."

I agree with joejoe. Grab a beer and some wings. Keep GALing. Do NOT let her right back in without working for it, or you WILL be here again.

[AnotherStander]

Chris,

You can say. "I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for letting me know."

And then go grab a cold beer and some wings. Your day doesn't change from that information. If she wants you back, she has to express that and do some work.

^^^Agreed, except I fixed a part of it^^^

[chris19]

I did not think that first part was necessary; I am prob just going to say the second part; then get in with my plans for the day. I will hit you all back if I hear some more words from the W later tonight.

[chris19]

Hey Board; have had NC since I responded to W.

I am still looking for advice for the upcoming events in my life. W sisters first child birth and her birthday.

Also; during the upcoming weekend, if she contacts me in any way do I need to remain cool and only respond to her if she is willing to do my requirements (NC letter, transparency, etc.). I am just kind of curious as to why she texted me she is done with Mr. X; then now is remaining quite.

[TBSakaJ9]

Hey Board; have had NC since I responded to W.

Good

I am still looking for advice for the upcoming events in my life. W sisters first child birth and her birthday.

I am not trying to sound like a jerk but why would you do anything? If you do, do it for yourself but have no expectations that it is going to bring your W back.

FWIW I did not invite my W to my birthday party in July and her brother got married and I never reached out to him.

IMO when you are S or going through a D those things are assumed.

Also; during the upcoming weekend, if she contacts me in any way do I need to remain cool and only respond to her if she is willing to do my requirements (NC letter, transparency, etc.).

Correct

I am just kind of curious as to why she texted me she is done with Mr. X; then now is remaining quite.

Maybe to see if you will immediately drop what you are doing and run back into her arms. It could be a test to see if she still has you on the hook.

I wouldn't do anything unless she tells you she wants to work on the MR.

[EastTN]

Maybe to see if you will immediately drop what you are doing and run back into her arms. It could be a test to see if she still has you on the hook.

I second this.

I caught my first wife cheating before we got married. I forgave her, but she never put the work in. She never really expressed remorse. We eventually did get married about four years later after I felt secure again, but she cheated again (in hindsight, I'm pretty sure she was cheating when I proposed to her). It was a recipe for disaster.

This time around, after S and I filed D, I started dating and XW (who was then STBXW) went full court press on me. For weeks I got to hear about how I was supposed to be her forever. About how she would never tell anyone else other than our daughter that she loved them. That she would never believe anyone else who told her that. That she would send OM away in a heartbeat for me.

It was all BS, obviously, but I JUMPED at it, and she got to play Lucy with the football and put me in my place again.

I hurt my GF, badly, and what happened in June is still a major dynamic in our relationship. I was advised here that it was too early for me to start dating and I ignored it. It really was. I was still attached to XW even though I thought I wasn't. So now I'm dealing with the consequences of that in the form of a relationship that's not as strong as it should be, and pain to someone I love, plus an XWW that's even worse than she was before, which puts that much more stress on me.

Don't jump. Don't make it too easy. Make sure she wants to WORK for you. Make sure that she does the same work on herself that you're doing on YOURSELF. If both of you can do that, you'll have a great restored M. If not, then you'll be back here. Or you'll give up on the R and become the WAS.

[chris19]

Thank you both for the input. I am going to remain NC/Dark and just continue on.

Sandi, I was re-reading your WW threads for the second time...great, just great stuff. One Q I had was you stated

Honestly, it is not about the length of time they last (unless the H is just trying to out wait the affair) but what the H does during and immediately following her A.

Again, me and my W (WW) are living apart; and if you see on my previous page; she texted me "Mr. X is no longer a part of my life"... However, I still see W is following this person on some social media stuff.

Is your opinion the same as East and Joe? Just wait to see if see actual is truthful about this and wants to put 100% effort in the M, and apologize for everything...I am asking because of the quote above from your (Sandi's Reflection thread).