GW....I am not perfect, I have made mistakes. Everyone has. The hardest part for me is the finances because we have young children. Here is another example:
When my W moved out we sat down before and put together a budget for both her and I that we agreed upon. She wanted to move out, I didn't want money to hold her back. I didn't want her to live in a house that she didn't want to be in because I was controlling her with money. So I agreed to pay for things also because I make more than double what she makes. She opened up her own checking account and got her own credit card. Once she got established I took her name off of our joint account, took away her checkbook and our family credit card with a large credit limit on it (I asked her to give them to me and she agreed).
For the first two months I thought she was doing fine with her money. Well it hit the fan in August because she had already maxed out her credit card and was not living within her means. She called her dad for money and finally came to me. When she did it I could tell it was a struggle, she started to break down and she was pissed because she had no where to turn. She was mad because she didn't want to ask me, she was too prideful and that made her angry.
You see she had overspent, maxed out her credit card and she had to buy groceries for the week, it was also a week where she had our kids. How was she going to feed them??? Was I supposed to tell her tough $hit go figure it out and I guess the kids won't eat?? It wasn't that easy for me.
I didn't lecture her but I remember loading up food from my house and putting it in grocery bags for her. For example, cooked spaghetti noodles from the fridge, that sort of stuff. Food that we had used during the week that I wasn't going to need since I didn't have the kids. Talk about a shot to her ego, it had to of hurt. I didn't want to give it to her, or $50 bucks here or there but what am I supposed to do when my daughters won't have anything to eat?
I guess my point is that when it comes to the finances I don't think it is as black and white, especially when kids are involved. Even with her struggles financially it still hasn't changed her mind. LH reminded me that I wouldn't want her to come back for that reason anyway.
Also whatever you do it should come across as punitive or vindictive. If you are the bread winner controlling with money can be a slippery slope IMO.
