You can be the lighthouse for your wife as well. I'm glad you are being one for your kids. That is great, but until you let go of that anger towards her, you will be held down. Let it go! It's hard, but it will allow you to see the situation and her actions for an objective point of view. You want be angry any more, you will feel emphatic for her and that allows you to lovingly detach. It's hard, but it has to happen. Let that anger go, for yourself.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.