GW.....below is something I have saved when I think about trying to be over the top nice to my W, ask her to do things together as a family etc. I will also give you a personal example and something I will always remember:
About 1 month after my W moved out I went to pick up my D's at one of my W's friends house. All of the kids were swimming in the backyard and my W along with her friends were hanging out poolside drinking. When I showed up she didn't see me and was talking about some guy coming up behind her dancing, etc. and when she saw me she freaked out and made some comment about I hope you didn't hear anything else. I didn't yell at her or make a scene just went on about my business. The next morning my D had a basketball game and afterwards we all went out to breakfast as a family which I paid for. Later that afternoon I was thinking about how that did not sit well with me, she was making comments about dancing with some guy or whatever and then the next day I take her out to breakfast?????? I thought to myself F that, I vowed to never ask her to do anything ever again, to keep my distance and if anything was ever going to happen again between her and I it would be because she was going to make the moves. I never wanted to be in that position again, a position of weakness and I thought to myself don't be a Fucing wimp...nut up!
Below is what I keep close to my vest:
You have to be willing to let go of the people that don't value you or the relationship they have with you. If you don't, you validate in their eyes that you are low value and that they were making the right decision when they started taking you for granted, hurting you, leaving you, cheating on you, etc. It is only when you let go of these people and move on with your life (detach, drop the rope, move on, GAL, etc.) that they realize what they HAD. You never know what you had until you don't have it and it's that point that a WAS will learn if their decision was the right one.
Fear of loss, crisis, these are things that motivate a person to action. Being super nice to and kissing the ass of a WAS that is in an affair (and everything that goes with that mindset) will usually repel the WAS even further.
