Fighting my way out of the dark Part 5

[Holding]

For the rest of the day, I kept myself busy with things I wanted to do. I got lunch at this great place that has 50 beers on tap. I texted a friend to see if he wanted to stop by and join me, but he wasn't able to. So I just hung out by myself.

I went back home and changed into some workout clothes. STBXW wasn't there. I hit the YMCA for about an hour and a half, and went back home to shower. I hung out for a long time at home, and she never showed up (not that I was waiting for her). Eventually I left to see a late movie by myself.

Right as the movie was about to start, STBXW texted me to ask if I was coming home that night. I thought about whether to respond for a moment, then just replied with "yes." I put my phone on silent and enjoyed the movie. I HIGHLY recommend Blade Runner 2049!

Anyway, by the time the movie was over, it was well after midnight. When I turned on my phone, I saw STBXW had texted me 6 times and called me twice! She said she wanted to know if I was okay and not dead on the side of the road somewhere. I texted back that I was ok. When I got home, she seemed mad and said she was worried about me since I'm usually not out so late. I thanked her for her concern and went to bed.

The next morning we both went to church, but we took separate cars and sat apart. When we got back home, she said she didn't appreciate me ignoring her the night before. She was worried since I seemed to be pretty upset during our convo from earlier that day. She said it's in her nature to care about people, but she's not going to bother caring about me any more. I just said ok. She left. She really likes to deliver these monologues.

I actually went back to church and talked to the deacon for an hour about my struggles. He helped me deal with my guilty feelings about letting my boys down, and reminded me to not take on all the responsibility. He continues to say STBXW's actions don't seem to make any sense. I think he suspects OM. He gave me his personal cell number in case I need to call.

STBXW left town yesterday for a work trip and is coming back tomorrow. So I get a brief break from in-house separation hell.

JoeJoe reminded me that when someone who's used to being in control starts to lose that control, they act in unpredictable and wild ways. And the dude is right. I didn't know what to make of STBXW's frantic texts at first, but she is losing control of me and obviously doesn't like it.