WW in EA, NC w/OM(?), W's BFF interfering, part 7

[hoosjim]

I was honestly kind of shocked, between that, and your other S visiting colleges your worry was your wife going home alone and the need to track her. I am not saying you aren't attentive to your sons, but you are understandably really scared to let her out of your sight or by herself or "home alone" in fear of her going back to OM.

Arrggh.

Okay, look, I reeaally don't want to get into a back and forth on this, because I think you have your opinion of what I am thinking and doing here and not sure I will convince you otherwise, however: If I was "really scared to let her out of my sight", as a general proposition, I wouldn't have let her run around for month with no tracking, phone recording, etc. (As a reminder, the "tracker" she has enabled on her phone does not keep continuous track of her phone, it will tell you where her phone is at the moment when you send the request to the service but does not paint a picture/track of everywhere the phone has been. And rest assured I am not sitting there everyday hitting "F5" on the tracking page over and over and over.

Do I "care" WON she goes to see OM? Well, hell yes I care. I mean, who wouldn't? Am I obsessing about it? Clearly not. What i am going to do, however, is take periodic temperature checks and also check her out when I have good reason to suspect she might be up to something-- consistent with what the professionals counselling me as well as some folks here like Sandi have indicated it is appropriate for me to do. If she goes back to OM, I've told her "we're done", and we will be done. But I am no longer going to tell her she "can" or "cant" go anywhere. Honestly, at this point, if she prefers that guy to me, she is not someone I think I'd want to be with. And I guarantee you I'll have other options in the female companionship department...

Beyond that, it is useful and helpful to the both the counselling and reconcilliation processes for me to know "where she is at" WRT her affair recovery, to help guide me in how much space I should be giving her.... all within the context, of course, of how I am already living my own life.

As for the relative weight i gave my concern over her being alone when she was in a weird mood, acting like she had in past when she was thinking of going off to see OM, relative to what I was putting in to helping my sons, i can only tell you this: The convo we had deciding on who was staying/going lasted no more than 5 or 6 minutes, and took me about 30 seconds to grab the tracker out of my trunk and stick it on her car. Oh, and about 60 seconds to check the track record once I got home yesterday. Pretty much every other second of the period between 3 PM Friday and 3 PM yesterday was spent, in one way or another, entirely focused on one or the other sons. And that "worry" (for S18) never left my mind, not even during the convo with W to decide who was staying (obviously which was focused on S18) or during the 30 seconds I was affixing the device to her car. It just wasn't that big a deal-- extremely easy to do, no panic, no distraction, no diversion from the more important issues surrounding my son.

I appreciate the concern and I understand what you are saying, but I also believe you may be overstimating my obsessiveness on this and/or the disruptiveness of it.



And I also grant that that belief on your part would be not entirely baseless due to the way I have handled things with W in the past. But things are different now.