sorry to jump on to this thread but in case you were passing! A simple question which may aid the debate here. As the WW's MO is that of an ultra selfish person what if that person was selfish to begin with i.e. in the DNA? I ask because my W would definitely fit into that category. In that case would be the WW selfish behaviour be on another level?
One of the most spoiled brats (and I do mean a brat) I ever knew, learned how to manipulate adults at a very young age, and she was a bully to all the other children, I had a front row seat, so I saw things that simply floored me. As she hit her teens, her behavior grew worse. She didn't get into drugs, or trouble with the law, or any thing of that nature, she was just a bigger, more demanding, spoiled brat. After she got older, she was into GGW behavior. I always thought it was her way of rebelling against the lifestyle and dedication of her churchgoing parents. But that's JMHO.
She has been M four times, so far......and is the biggest b'tch I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. She has never had friends, b\c nobody likes her. If she ever cheated on her H's, IDK about it. I have always said her family ruined her when she was small. She was the only child and only grandchild and they allowed her to say terrible things to them and others, throw tantrums, scream threats, etc. They gave in to her demands, almost every time. She was never disciplined, and if one parent tried, then a grandparent stepped in and prevented it. Nobody could stand her as a kid or as an adult. Sadly, nobody could stand to live with her, either. To this day, she has not improved herself. She still wants to control those who come into her life. She puts her wants and needs above her children and her husband (if she has a current H). She still has no friends, and her parents and GP's are deceased.
Knowing the family she was born into, I don't know if she would have had much of a chance when she was a child. They were not bad people, but they did not do this child service by treating her like royalty.
As an adult, I think we can evaluate ourselves to see why people don't want to be around us and be our friend.....and why we act so ugly to our family. I see where her life could have been so much better if she would have just stopped the selfish and controlling ways.
Yes, to answer your question, I know cases where the W already has the format for being a wayward W. In other words, she may have been a wayward teenager or young adult. She already has the selfish nature; resents anyone that crosses her; was already rebellious toward her parents (or some system). She doesn't have respect and uses manipulation, controlling and bullying to get her way....as her usual MO. The poor guy that marries this type of woman is just asking for a miserable MR. There have been many cases here on the board like this, and adding infidelity to the mix is not a long stretch for her. I have little hope for her, b\c this has been a lifelong behavior. It may be possible for her to change, but I think she would need to want that change more than anything in life. It would take a lot of work and training. She would need a new heart.
Unlike the W who becomes wayward later, as the result of resentment, disrespect and rebellion directed toward her H.....the lifelong wayward (for lack of a better term ATM), does not have a previous "self" she can relate to as being the unselfish, giving, respectful, undemanding, truly loving human being. She has little to no experience with relationships that she didn't control with her moods. Her manipulation is second nature for her. So, IMHO, she would be tackling lifelong ingrained behaviors that would require more than experiencing remorseful feelings and asking for forgiveness. It would require her to completely remake herself inside out. Good intentions doesn't cut it, and the reality of just how hard it is to change, comes smacking her in the face very quickly. Can it be done? IDK, quite honestly. I think age might matter.....and how badly she wanted to change. Once the heart has radical change, it helps the actions produced. However, it takes strong determination to stick to improvements.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
