How a treehouse can cost you your marriage

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I have no idea how you guys are getting the "originally posted by: quote boxes" so please excuse my elementary way of doing it...

You hit the quote button below a post and then it pulls you to a new window with everything quoted. Basically everything you want in quotes type

but with a '=' instead of a ':'. Then at the end of the quote type [?quote] but with a '/' instead of a '?'.

[quote=Clyde] with all do respect, my short comings and the roll the friends played in it are 2 different factors, you can't tell me you do not see how the friends played a significant roll in this.

Maybe they did. But theres nothing to be done about her friends right now. We cant help you to change who your W is friends with or what they are telling her. So I suppose it's relevant, but only insofar as W is going to put herself into an echo chamber - anyone that disagrees with her current worldview is going to get cut out.

So yes I am human and have short comings, no addictions, no abuse, my actions regarding how to provide were always with the family's best interest at heart.

Im not arguing with you. What I am telling you is that your idea of what was the best interest may not be correct. Or your W may not think or thought it was correct. My recommendation is for you to zoom your view out. Or as MWD says, start over with a beginner's mind. Thats what Im saying when I tell you that there are ALWAYS options.

All that said I still understand the only thing I can control are my actions.
This is what is important and what Im struggling with.

What are you doing differently now? What would be different about a future R between you and W?

[quote=Clyde]Mind you she dropped out of MC when she got caught in several lies. Why did she feel it necessary to lie? One of the lies she got caught in was about stealing money, I found out she was doing so by reading about it on her phone it in a text from her friend who was encouraging it, (again, the damn friends meddling in our M). I continued to go to MC for an additional 4 months after she stopped going, I still meet with our pastor weekly to get advice on life, the M, and to nurture my growth as a person... I did not take her list as an assignment I could blow through and move on with life.

I know. Ive read your posts and I understand that shes dishonest and sneaky. That doesnt change your outlook any. All you wrote was that you worked on the list she gave you. Im asking what you are doing now including that list and other things to improve yourself and morph into Clyde2.0.

I could of handled all of or altercations over the past 2 years better, some of the arguments I engaged in were pointless and some of my reactions to things that were said or done did not help our relationship, rather hurt it.

So what are you doing differently now? How are you expressing that in your life?

As far as the work load, I never surrendered my self to that scenario, I am constantly trying to improve the sitch... be it by investing in new machinery, implementing new methods and so forth. We live on the outskirts of San Diego, the cost of living is ridiculous here, no car payments, no extravagant living. The biggest step toward improving this scenario was the wife going to school which we never got to see the benefits of in the R, (her going to school was something we both made happen, I ran the house 2-3 days a week for close to 2 years, while still being the sole provider along with expenses that came with the schooling.)

I get it, my ex was in some form of schooling almost our entire R, and was just poised to get a fulltime job at BD. So I certainly understand the economic frustration of being the only one providing money for the household.

But again, it comes back to the same question - What would be different if you R'd?



Here's the thing. I know you arent a bad guy.
I understand you did your best. I can see you saying that you have faults and want to address them. Im also willing to concede that Im not right about all of the opinions I have.

What I keep coming back to; however, is your words deflect all of the blame from yourself. Onto W, onto W's friends, onto the circumstances of your R. Whatever. I dont really say anywhere where you have looked in the mirror and determined what you did wrong and what you will do better.

THE BREAKDOWN OF THE MARRIAGE IS NOT YOUR FAULT COMPLETELY. But, regardless of who she is friends or family with, SOME of the blame is yours.

Your W is not going to come back to the same relationship. And SHE isnt going to be the one to change first.