A fresh start? (probably not!)

[hoosjim]

CW2017. Not sure what you have and have not told your W that you know, yet but, two thoughts based on my own experience and the insights I have read here on WWs, primarily from Sandi2:

1) Once your WW "knows you know" you need to move quickly, in fact, immediately, to confront or act in some respect. The way a woman's mind is wired is such that she is unable to "love" a man she does not respect, and that she can't respect a man who would knowingly let her run around with another man. I, myself, botched this whole dynamic and did NOT move quickly to establish and enforce firm boundaries in this regard, and it both a) let the affair develop to a stronger relationahip than might otherwise have happened and b) put me on a much more uncertain, complicated and limbo-like footing with my W, which I am only now (hopefully) starting to unravel. Lots of good stuff in the sticky threads on setting boundaries, etc, and also, obviously, in Sandi2s threads

2) On confrontation and revelation, I know opinions vary widely here on that, and I know that there are so many variables and moving parts and possible outcomes and impacts (the OM here is married, yes, and also your wife's boss?) that is impossible to give anyone advice. I will only say this: The OM in my case was NOT married and I had virtually no exposure leverage as a result. My own personal opinion is that where the OM/OW is married, that a) their spouse has a right to know what dirtbag they are married to and b) you can potentially help your own sitch immensely (POTENTIALLY mind you) by revealing the A to the OM's spouse. This gets the A "out of the dark" and makes it substantially less secret and "exciting" to the participants, and also brings pressure to bear on the OM to end the A-- not that ending the A is ever a cure-all, BUT... it is certainly a necessary component to any reconciliation with your spouse.

I myself wish that I had taken a stronger stand earlier in my own sitch, and also that I had had some leverage over OM, particularly that he had been married. The A in my case was much less involved early on, and, had it been brought to an end shortly after I found out about it, my W and I both may very well have been (and in fact very probably would have been) able to be much further down the road towards resolution of our own marital issues... whatever that resolution may ultimately be. But no kind of resolution can happen or, in all honesty, even begin to happen until the A is OVER