Fighting my way out of the dark Part 5

[Holding]

Recap:

BD (ILYBINILWY) in April, 2017. Did all the wrong things for a month, then started DB'ing - pretty poorly TBH - for another month. STBXW said she wanted to D on 7-13, and her L filed 4 days later. I got a L soon after. We've told the kids (the worst experience of my life), she's moved out of the MBR, but is still living in the same house. Both L's are talking and mediation is going to be scheduled soon.

I've realized I've been letting STBXW call all the shots in our MR, and now even in the D process she's trying to call the shots. I've also realized I reacted from a place of pain for much of this process. My new goal is take a more active role in all this mess, protect my boys, respond instead of reacting, do what I want when I want, and no longer give my STBXW any head space.