WW in EA, NC w/OM(?), W's BFF interfering, part 7

[hoosjim]

The thing that jumps out at me about this post is that almost every single sentence is about W.

Was primarily a response to Sandi2s earlier post. She has been following my sitch and thinks but is not certain that W has had a setback of some sort in her "recovery" from the A/OM. This was additional info. And, yes, there was a lot of it... primarily because we have a lot going on right now.

I think there is WAY more focus on her than is healthy... For instance, if you had just gone out to watch the games without her

In a place now where W is in kind of a delicate spot. Gone over this I think maybe one or two threads ago, but I know I have a lot of stuff out there now so, nutshell: She is voluntarily NOT going out and doing things on her own, voluntarily keeping me apprised of her whereabouts pretty much 24/7 when we are not together, etc. Have had multiple folks on these threads, and also DB coach confirm my own belief that it may not be the best thing for me to be doing right now to be a) leaving her alone to stew and sulk and b) going out and doing a lot of fun things solo while she is "confined to quarters" (albeit by her own choice). As such, I have continued my less "social" GAL activities such as exercising and such pretty much full force, but "going out" I have pretty much always tried to include her or at least offer to include her unless she is doing something else on her own (which has been I think twice in the past month-plus)

it sounds like you "threw that out there", by telling her where you were going as an enticement for her to join (based on your comment about her loving to watch sports),

I inadvertently omitted (long post) that I had asked her initially if she wanted to go out with me and get something to eat, but she was kind of "down" and noncommittal. The "I'm going out" to which she responded "wait for me" was later. So, yeah, I was trying to get her to come but was not really being manipulative or anything about it... I asked her point blank to come along initially.

but the "fun" part sounds a little forced, maybe in the re-telling.

Nah, not so much. Probably the re-telling. I have and have had a pretty good barometer of what are "good" days and "bad" days with her. Once we actually got out, this one was pretty good-- we did have a really good time. Overall from waking to bedtime, however, the day was kind of a roller coaster... Which is where we have been since her "setback" maybe a week and a half ago after several weeks of steady improvement.

Pretty clear she's still mourning the A/OM (unsurprising, given it's only been about 9 weeks, I think, and given her bff threw a wrench at her with that phoncon), but this is part of the territory. The hope is that she follows through with the IC to help her try and get past that. And otherwise she is definitely trying. A rough two weeks for both of us though, and especially her... Good college friend died, brother's wife had a miscarriage raising memories of our own very painful miscarriage, son arrested and near nervous breakdown, and her work being just hell on a warm plate.

Right now, I'm basically trying to balance "giving her space" with "not giving her too much time alone to dwell on all her stress points" including the A.

Final point-- I am very very much focused on myself and have gotten to a point where I am able to generally be significantly and clinically detached from my W's gyrations. BUT... she is also an essential part of this whole equation and I will, as with the above, fairly frequently have posts or even strings of posts that are primarily about her... It's inevitable with me just being in a much better place than she is. I don't have that much to work on right now individually.