Still here. Still not detached... (Part 2)

[Chris73]

Yep. Still not detached...

Had a great weekend with my kids in MY house. Emphasis on the MY because my W will be moving out sometime within the next 6 months. Of course I don't want her to go, but if she insists I'm going to start acting like the house is mine. This doesn't mean that I've thrown her things into a pile in the corner of the room. But I am starting to move forward with home projects that we've discussed in the past. The difference now is that I'm making all the decisions without checking with her or asking her to help.

The upside of our new schedule is that every other week I have my kids from Thursday after school until Monday morning. The downside is that Monday morning is a huge punch in the gut when the kids hop on the bus and I have to tell them that I won't see them again until Thursday.

This morning was particularly difficult because not only do I have to get the kids to the bus on time, and me to the train on time, but I also have to pack for 3 straight nights of not being home. I wanted to leave the house in absolutely perfect condition. Clean floors, no dirty dishes, beds made, laundry done, rooms clean... And I did, but it was stressful, and I didn't get time to relax as much as I should have. And then all of a sudden it's Monday morning and I find myself standing on the corner with the bus pulling up and wondering how the weekend went by so quickly.

The motivation to be Super Sad is influenced by many things, but there is one that reminds me that I'm still not detached. I want to elicit a reaction from my W. I want her to come home after being away for 4 days and see how much I didn't need her. I want her to realize what she's losing by walking away from our life together. Yes, taking care of everything does make me feel good and sets a good example for my kids, but I really have to wonder how much of the house stuff I would have let slide if she wasn't still living there...