I can only say that two of the three marriage counselors I've seen over the years have encouraged me to check on what my husband is doing (phone, e-mail, etc.) and I did many times (he was cheating). Then two years ago I was exhausted and didn't want to know anymore. I guess you reach a point where you burn out. Still, I feel like two married people shouldn't have to hide anything from each other and if you want to check every so often (like once or twice a year) that would be better than wondering forever if you're missing something. One of the worst feelings is to act loving toward your spouse and not know if you're making a fool out of yourself if there's someone else in the picture. That is really great though to read your messages and see that you and your wife reunited. I wish so much my husband would want that.
