IMHO, you are having a problem balancing. Your advice to other newcomers sound very tough and ridged. In some cases, too much, b\c it sounds as if it's coming from your own anger. True, you have every right to be angry about your WW's infidelity.....but be careful what you do with that anger.
Your mind is occupied by negative thoughts people may have about you (laughing behind your back, etc). You feel torn by how to interact with your WW, b\c of how she may interrupt it. And, I think all of this together is causing your timing to be off in the things you decide to do.
For instance, you weren't sure about S13 birthday celebration. That's understandable, and probably, we all have our own personal viewpoints about it. But here's my point about bad timing, and if I'm wrong about this particular example, you can correct me. Did she not receive the email with the D information just a few days before S13's birthday? To me, I would not have done that if I was going to turn around and suggest you celebrate your son's birthday together. Even if you didn't celebrate together, it just looks as if you I tended to hurt her right about the time for his birthday. See what I mean? Bad timing.
As for asking her why no response, I suggest you not say anything yet. There could be several reasons she hasn't responded. Whatever that reason is, if you ask her......you will probably get a lot more than you wanted.....and it won't be good. Sorry if I find it hard to believe you aren't looking for some desired response from her. It's natural, but you need to really stop doing things to get a response.
The best thing you can do is exactly what we've told you from day one. Stop focusing on her (what she's thinking about you, her motive behind her actions, etc). I noticed on your list of goals you did not have anything about your M, so does that mean you are finished with her? If so, then stop letting negative thoughts occupy your mind, and live your life by what you believe is true and the right thing to do every day. If you will live by this code, I believe it will help you in overcoming the mental agony of what others may think of you. Most of all, I think it may assist you in having better balance in your decisions, interactions, mental attitude, etc. Hopefully, it will help you move forward and find a way to deal with the anger.
I don't say any of this with a judgemental heart, Tread, I hope you believe that. I don't suppose anyone here is as hard on wayward wives as I am, and it is painful to see you going through this mess. Your have a full life ahead of you, and there are still some good people in the world. Don't allow this experience to leave you bitter at the world, b\c it is not worth what you will miss. ((Hugs))
BTW, don't react from my post by canceling the paperwork, or anything like it. I want you to stop reacting...period. Find peace in your life, and stop looking for reactions from your W. Do you see what I mean, or have I confused you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
