Act Now or Cry Later

[HaWho]

Thanks Ownit, KML, Gordie, Bttrfly, Job, Cil and Roist. I so appreciate all your support!

Kml - the only person in his family who had dementia was his paternal grandmother and she was almost 90 when that set in. She was sharp as a tack for the very longest time. In fact, at our wedding she was in her mid-seventies, and she danced more than the children!!! (Work friends thought she was my h's mother!) But I checked out the book and it's interesting.

Anyway, so where am I these days? Well, I am working a lot. And that is good. It's challenging and rewarding and validating. It's important for me to keep working towards financial independence. I was a SAHM mom for quite some time. A large part of rebuilding, for me, has been having a place separate from h and my life with him.

I've been playing less tennis so I think I am going to find a night league where I can play one match a week.

I see friends outside of work and this is a group that knows nothing about my sitch. I find that refreshing as I use my time with them as an outlet for not thinking about it.

As for h? Well, I don't see him all that often. He really keeps to his room these days. Sometimes he texts me something. He does seem more aware of the kids. Actually, he is more engaged in their lives and aware of their routines, etc. Often he says he is tired.

I guess he's had some health issues. Recently he mentioned that he had been found to be pre-diabetic. Then he had a follow up and was cleared of that.

Here's a funny one. One morning I was fixing my makeup in a downstairs hallway mirror. H appeared and asked me if I had taken his toothpaste. I said no; sensing this was going to go MLC weird, my body froze and I started to gather up my makeup so I could go elsewhere to finish. While I was zipping up bags he started to explain that he had ordered some items but the toothpaste was not in the package. He said it was okay if I took the toothpaste?!? I said I had no idea about any of it and immediately exited stage left. I was ready for him to come out with some outlandish accusation.

So odd. Why on earth would I take his toothpaste?!? And does he think I opened his mail to get it? The whole scene reminded me of being on the subway and that creepy guy coming to sit real close to you. Every woman knows the feeling.

Strange to think that come a few weeks I am three years post BD. Of course, like others I thought I'd be done with all this by now. While I have come to terms with much of the detour my life has taken, I still have much residual anger that this is now my kids' FOO. I know it only takes one parent to pull them through and I am thankful that so many w/kids continue to post from the other side of this.

My kids are doing well. They have friends and keep busy. They are both doing very well academically. S14 cooks a meal each week and enjoys it. He says it's his way to relax. He is so responsible. In his teenage moments I see so many parallels to h. I have learned to listen and detach. I find when I remain calm he settles and mirrors.

Thanks all for your wonderful support. Special thanks to Job. Like so many others here, you helped me through some very, very dark days.

And to all newbies, yes, it does get easier!