Your W is trying to display actions that you would relate to things turning back to normal in the MR. However, she doesn't want to continue with counseling with a spiritual leader, and makes excuses to get out of it.
She talks about the hurt you've done to her, but is she taking responsibility for the pain she has caused you and her family? Then, she doesn't want to talk about it b\c she gets angry.
You are confused by the scenarios b\c they are not matching what she says or her attitude.
Some WW's can play their H for awhile, but if he will observe the consistency and how her actions\behavior, attitude, and words match......or if they don't line up, I think it can be a guideline of sorts. Plus, as I said, if there is show of disrespect for her H in any of these three areas......he can write it down that she is not really doing the work on their MR.
I don't trust the scenarios you've described b\c anyone can throw a few crumbs for awhile. I think she is playing you. If she is in contact of some sort with OM, she will be able to put on a front, as her way of shielding the A. But, she is wayward, so it's a matter of time before her true colors run.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
