Married for one year, marriage starting falling apart about 10 months in. Have 1d, 3 and are now living apart. Reasons for the seperation, I found out about a EA and a PA she was having with another man, you alos has 2 children 2 different women. We've been officially seperated since Feb 1, 2004,
Here is what has transpired in the past 2+ months, and I'm reeling with confusion as to what to do and what to expect.
SHe acknowledge her affair and decided to move out, a little help drom me of course, saying if you don't want to be here then leave, I can't live like this. She took up house in OM house for the time being. She denied the affair at first, of course to spare my feeling, whatever.
I started with going dark, only seeing and communicating with her when our D was involved. The whens and wheres to pick her up and so forth. This went on for about 2 months, and then all of a sudden I get an amail from her, usually just a quick note with no substance, saying that she would like us to do more with her, me and our D as a FAMILY. Where did this come from where she said in the past, before she moved out, that she couldn't handle being around me. I got the ILYBNILWY speech a while back.
Now she is contacting me almost everyday and making small talk wihenever she can. In the past two weeks, mind you no contact with each other for 2 months, we have had lunch or dinner out at a restaurant together with our d and done some minor errands together.
I had gotten seperation papers drawn up in the beginning, gave them to her to sign and have heard nothing back on this subject other than she hasn't had time to see a lawyer to have the signed. Lately she has been saying stuff like she can't afford this or that and that getting her own place is going to be tough as she has limited income. She came to me the other day asking to borrow money to get set up in her new place, do I give in or tellher to sign the agreement and give her the settlement within the agreement? Hard one for me decide.
She calls me at home, for instance last night, called as she wanted help with a PC problem she was having, nothing trivial just a simple setting she knew where to find and adjust, but found it wierd she would call for that and make small talk for nearly 2 hours after I had resolved her pc problem. She got another call and said she would call be back, didn't think she would, but she did, chatted for another 2 hours just about small stuff, computer games, daughter, her living arrangements and so on.
I try not to mention R talk to her, had a few backslides in this department but have gotten better at controlling my desire to know more about what is going on in her head. I am leaving the door open for her to come back, but with conditions, as most can imagine.
I have already seeked C onthe matter and beleive me what a life saver, i was down and out for about a month until I saw a C. I tell you they work miracles, get you goal orientated for you and no one else. Can't say enough about C.
She was relunctant to seek C and I haven't brought the subject up with her again. All the changes in attitude the past few weeks has me confused beyond belief. Is she just playing me to get my money or is she making an effort to get back in my good graces?
When we talk its like old times, her laugh has returned, as I remember near the end she could even be in the same room as I for 10 mins, now she stays for dinner when comes over to pick up daughter, makes eye contact again with me when we talk. All this 180ing form her has got me confused with it all. I know her affair is still going on, but not at the extent inthe beginning, she even mentioned last night onthe phone that he has been acting differently lately. He does his own thing and she does hers, from what I gathered they don't spend every dying minute together anymore and she may be lonely at nights, as she messages me and calls now, which didn't happen the past 2 months.
Does this sitch sound familiar to anyone, do I take the bait and run with it, or continue DBing to the max? Should I go dark again to see if anything else happens? Some help please as I am really confused on this one. If anyone wants to know more just reply and I will fill inthe blanks.
