I feel I should apologize upfront for the following stream of consciousness:
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Why would you ask her that question? I assume your goal was for her to say
"No, I want to recommit to our marriage and rebuild it, now that we had a few hours without fighting"??
No, actually an emphatic "Yes" is what I expected to hear.
okay, so Why did you ask? If you expected a "yes" then getting her to say it out loud would only cement her wishes.
Do you believe that DB tenet about not asking the spouse, or you feel it doesn't apply, or was it just a mistake? (You're allowed to make those.)
I need to revisit this. Words cannot express how much I appreciate the advice you've given 25years! Honestly, things really started to turn when, based on your advice, I stopped throwing "truth darts" and stopped being a jerk in my interactions!!! Because why would WW or any female for that matter want to come back to that.
My sitch has gone from mid August "you and I are done" to Labor Day weekend "it's not healthy for us to stay together" to this week "I don't know if I want to divorce...I can't make that decision yet"
Please don't take this as me arguing or discounting the advice given. From my perspective the central tenants of DB'ng are:
1) Work on YOU because that's the ONLY thing you have the power to change 2) Do what works
So while not following the 37 guidelines to the tee, it's gone from "You and I are done" to "I don't know". Doesn't mean I'm not going to follow the guidelines...I more or less called an audible and the play seems to have worked. Of course the risk of calling an audible is throwing a pick 6. Am I running around on cloud 9 because she's not set on D? Absolutely not.
Kaizen and AS gave some phenomenal gems in the "Treehouse" thread that I've taken to heart.
Having said that, a little over two days into NC/LC, had the following text exchange with WW:
WW: Are you ok? You're unusually quiet Me(30 minutes later): I’m good...Just out and about
Since I've gone NC/LC, these are the following texts I haven't sent: "WW, either you come back to the MR or you file for D" "You say you want to repair the family but your actions don't support your words" and other self loathing pity me texts.
