Am I stuck?

[Stuck72]

Thank you Doodler, Citygrl, and Accuray,

I admitted those feelings/thoughts hoping that being open about them would help and because this is a safe place to be real. I don't believe I'm in any immediate danger, but I would like to feel differently. I'm sorry if my post was scary.

I notice that I struggle the most when I don't sleep enough. Lack of sleep is sometimes due to the situation with my H, but currently it's also related to work stress. I'm coming up with a plan to reduce the work stress to the degree I can.

Citygrl- I understand the need to protect yourself. Getting OW pregnant would be a huge liability on top of being emotionally painful. I'm so glad my H agreed to get a vasectomy after our second child.

Regarding why your H hasn't responded to divorce, it could be all of those things. I would imagine your H is conflicted based on his happy workday at your house.

I don't know enough about your husband to say if he's anything like mine, but I know my H gets overwhelmed and shuts down. When I did our legal separation, I filled out all the forms and gave him his to sign. I'm not recommending that to anyone else, but I had no fear that he was hiding anything and I needed to move it forward to protect myself from his mounting liabilities.

Our own MLC limbo reaction, I agree. The MLC stages are based off the stages of grief. I think I must be doing it wrong because it seems like I'm accumulating stages rather than passing through them.

I'm still in denial. I see so much to think he has doubts.

I'm not angry at him. Anger might be healthier for my mental health, but I can't get/stay there. I really believe he did what he did to save himself from his depression. I might be angry at myself for not recognizing it as depression so that I could be softer where he needed me to be.

Bargaining. If I'm patient... If I'm kind.... I'm at 4.5 years since H started seeing OW and 4 years since I asked him to leave the house. I'm seeing signs that replay/his new friends are getting old and that he misses our children. He's also reconnecting with some of his/our old friends. I have no idea if he'll turn toward me, but I'm still be gaining for it.

Depression. I'm clearly here. Acceptance is a bit off in the distance.