I don't think there is any doubt that if the WAS is involved in a relationship with someone else then the chance of recon would be harder to achieve.
That being said; Is it not a fair to say that my W could of chosen to go down the path of finding someone else if I didnt;
1. Allow her to go on her own journey with any pressure 2. Do everything I could to address my own flaws and truly understand the reason she left?
She didnt go elsewhere because I provided an environment for her to reconsider her options. If I would of carried on the same way there is a chance a third party would be involved. So do you look at it as
1. The work put in lessened the opportunity for a third party to be involved..
or
2. I was just lucky that my W didnt find someone else?
I would guess that it was more option 1 than option 2.
98% of posters on here are not at the stage they need to be at in their own journey. Very few can say - 'I am confident in my own life and journey and I am happy with where I am in life'. Very very few. I personally think that plays a HUGE factor in the results rate here because despite what people say, alot are here simply to get a 'fix' to the problem.
But in reality that is the place that people need to get to in order to create an environment that would be primed for the WAS or any future partner to be attracted to.
Thats not to say that working on yourself and being the best DBer in the world will give you the results you want... However, what else in life is guaranteed? Nothing.. so to me thats a mute point.
We should all be here in order to reprogram ourselves into the lively, confident people we are all capable of being. Not to simply get the result of saving a marriage.
Some posters will come here asking why did this happen? what does this mean? - when in reality although it is good to understand certain things, they are looking in the wrong place. They want to solve the problem rather address themselves because deep down its the easier option.
While I fully accept that it IS a different scenario when there is a third party involved; I also think that certain posters (generally - NOT aimed at anyone in particular) like to use that fact, as a reason to not really fully commit to the process.
If they can truly look in the mirror and say they have done everything by the book and have the life they desire and are happy and they STILL arent having any joy then thats a different story. But lots of people who post (if they are honest with themselves) arent at that stage yet, so are not ready for a recon or another relationship at this stage anyway - so why would the WAS want to the leave the third party and come back to them?
The WAS wants nothing to do with this person. Thats why they walked away in the first place. They were not happy. To still not be a best person who you can be and then point fingers towards reasons as to why 'their' situation is different does seem like its taking the easier route to giving up.
Alot of the 'my situation is different' crew need to get address their own issues first before falling into that trap.
My journey IRRELEVANT of outcome or situation is NO different to anyone on here. The result might be different. But we shouldn't be here for the result, we are here to learn how to make the first steps on the journey to personal recovery what results come after that is anyone's guess.
Finally, in no way shape or form am I upset or insulted by anyone posts or opinions, we are all here to help each other out. I don't really need to be here, I just know that when I wanted to kill myself when I was losing my home and my Wife, I just wanted to read some successful stories to help keep my hopes up and to know I wasn't wasting my time, so want to offer that hope back into the board that has helped me so much throughout.
