Any Advice 3

[joejoe1]

GW,

You question about getting respect from you wife is key. But what you need to do first is respect yourself. Nobody is going to respect a person that don't respect themselves.

The first thing you need to do is make a clear and concise statement about no condoning her affair. Don't argue, plead, or beg. You can say, use these exact words. "What you are doing with thus OM has ruined our marriage. I have made mistakes in this marriage as well, but if you continue your A with this OM, you are going to LOSE ME. This thing she need to hear is she is going to lose you. Don't say anything after turn and walk away. When you tell her this you need to be calm, confident and concise. Dont engage in discussion after your statement. Her last thoughts about you is she is going to lose you. This leaves her with thought of her not leaving you but you leaving her. Changes the dynamics.

Next you need to set boundaries. You want to gain some respect, set boundaries and let no person cross them not even your wife.

I made the mistake of setting a boundary that wasnt enforceable. We had a long discussion on this board about that boundary. The boundary I set was, I told my wife not to call the OM on our house phone. That boundary don't impact me. If she calls him on the house phone how does That hurt me, it doesnt. She hasn't call him on the house phone since, but it's still something that if I tried to enforce what would that consequence be. Turn off the house phone, well affects the whole family. My boys school call the home phone. So bad boundary.

Good boundaries are, if she yells at you. At the very moment set your boundary. You say, "I would really like if you don't yell at me, I rather you not yell at me, that way I can understand you." If she continues. Turn and walk away. No yelling back.

If she tells you to do something you don't want to do. Tell her you don't want to do it. If she percist, you turn and walk away.

Do you pay her cell phone, if so, tell her you dont want to pay it no more. And just stop paying it. If I remember correctly you dont pay it. So if you dont leave it alone.

A person only respects a person who demands respect for themselves
Demand respect. Leave her with she will lose you as a last thought. But you are going to have to be willing to act on that statement when the time comes.