Moving Forward - Continued

[Matrix]

B- Great job of working on yourself, your mindset, your attitudes that seem to be bringing your WAW back into MR.

Not to rain on your parade - we're all happy for you - let's be honest: THE MAIN REAL REASON B's W is willing to go on dates, sleep over, going to in-laws, think and talk about their future together, etc so quickly and openly is because THERE IS NO OM in the picture.

His W is a WAW, not a WW. Sounds like she possibly wasn't even a true WAW; just wanted to teach him a lesson and turn him around which he did very well. I bet 80-90% of guys here would've been in a similar sitch if they had a W like B's instead of cold-hearted WWs whose main goal now is to try to build a new life with the "soulmate" "best friend" OM. Our WWs don't get the opportunity to see our changes b/c there're no dates or spending time together - they don't want or ask for that. More importantly they probably don't even GAF about any of our changes b/c the OM presently occupies their entire head space, fulfills their emotional and physical needs, and whispers about their dreamy future together.

Of course, it will most likely change for most of us with WWs when their reality catches up w them at some point but I don't think B's timeline of 6-7 months is even remotely realistic. I'm almost 9 months into it and my communication with WW is practically non-existent except a few min per week during kid exchanges.

We're told on this and other boards to not worry about OMs b/c they're not the root of the problem but a consequence. I personally don't; to me he doesn't exist and occupies zero head space BUT I think B's sitch and timeline proves to all of us how different it could be (or would be) if there was no d--khead OM.

I agree 1000% with Painful's post. Of course B did all of the work and made all of the changes. He did it and that is awesome! But, we have all been doing the work. Some better than other's. The only chance B had in his sitch was that his wife was not off planning a life with her new knight in shinning armor.

Yes, we all work and DB to become better people and be better in the future, with or without our spouse. That is the nature of DB. But, in order to actually have a chance to save our marriage and live a new awesome life with our spouse, there has to be NO AP around at all.

I could not agree more with Painful. He is exactly right. We all need to DB, but we all have ZERO chance with our spouse if there are 3 parties involved. Period, end of story.

Congrats, by the way B. You changed for the better and got a chance to save your marriage. Well done!!!