My issue has been that I am kind of a control freak and so when W did things that i considered 'disorganized' or not 'logical' I would really get annoyed. And over time this created this perception for me that W was just not being a proper adult and I would get riled up internally when she would do something small that wasn't how I would do it
Really good insight, b/c you took a very minor choice your w made, a choice with no moral or financial implications, you morphed her difference of opinion into a character flaw on her part.
And kept it all inside. May I ask how long this took for you to realize? Yeah, it's something my kids and I had to live with for a long time. I do not miss that part of h.
. I never yelled at her or got annoyed verbally, but she knew that I was feeling that way.
how did you radiate it towards her?
To give you an example - this is how dumb this thing is and how little significance it actually has.
W would put dishes in the dishwasher that I considered not efficient. It looked disorganized and you could fit more things in it if she did it 'my' way. So, that would annoy me. And the problem is that it would actually get me really mad internally. This was built over many years so I know that I didn't react that way few years back. I need to fix this for myself because 'my' way isn't the only way or the 'right' way. I need to be able to chill out about little things like this.
^^yeah, all true. You'll be calmer and more at peace without "trying to control" the world.
When h did this exact dishwasher ordeal, my kids saw it as incredibly controlling. No one wanted to load it if he was around. I know I felt criticized even when he said nothing. Because he'd do the task all over again and "explain it", or just move something and loudly sigh or huff.
HIS way was so clearly better in his eyes, (and might well be more efficient!)
But he came to believe only flawed people or those who were "just ignoring" him, would do it their own way. There was no room for individual choice or idiosyncrasy and most issues increased in importance to him, as his resentments grew and festered.
It was clear what he thought. And it was such a corrosive element in our home.
But good on you for working on it. Serioulsy.
I'm just saying how it may have felt to your w/kids. The more you show the new you, the better for them and for you
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
