Limerence and My Situation 5

[25yearsmlc]

OMG what a nightmare.

And your wife is angry at you? Nice lack of self awareness. She's so far over the line she lost sight of it.



I hold onto the unrealistic hope that I never have to meet OW, but then i stop myself and say

"the real to goal is being able to see h & OW and simply not care."

= Detachment, meh, me moving forward in my life, and all the rest...

Here's the reality for me-
When my FIL dies, I will attend his funeral. My FIL has been in my life longer than my own dad was.

When one of our kids marries, or has a child, or when d20 graduates from college (no thanks to h), i will attend and I assume if she's still in h's life, she'll attend as well.

My own boundary is that I will not ruin a funeral, wedding or other celebratory event because of my resentment or pain, however justified it might be.


BUT THIS^^^ AIN'T EASY. And I have not done it yet.

Thank God I have not had to deal with it yet. Thank God h is in Alaska. Seriously.

Your situation is incredibly demanding Park, and your w seems to lack any self awareness of how over the line she is, and is angry at you. Which makes me nuts on your behalf.

I understand you want to reconcile and I accept that. No argument from me (other than my belief your approach is not working).

It's just that she really crosses the line but does not see it that way at all.

You're not alone. There are many of us who have spouses who betrayed us, took money or left or lied to our faces

and justified it. It's a challenge to remember not to project our own values onto our spouses thinking "WE would feel guilty/shame IF WE had done that..." so we assume the other spouse is struggling with it, too.

But if they shared our values, we would not be here.
Park, the only "advice" is to make sure your boys know you are a man who doesn't lose control of himself.

Your boys don't want you to get hurt. It scares them, so keep that in mind.

Good luck.