MLC or WAS... either way, I'm here

[LAJar]

OwnIt,

Thank you for stopping by to comment. Funny, you and I both moved over from Newcomer to MLC rather quickly. I've had a chance to read some of your story as well and you are one strong lady. Have you officially accepted this and decided to move on? I have read your most recent thread and it seems like you're done with his BS, but are you ready to file? While my H has filed, 3 months in I still haven't been served. With his new L, you'd think he'd know this by now. Either way, I don't know if/when I'll ever be ready to take the bull by the horns and file, serve him.

I relate to you so much with the hurt of your kids. Although my son is much older, it doesn't make it any easier. I was so sad to read of your son cutting himself. I know there's no quick fix, but I'm glad to see you've gotten him help. I do hope the best for him, as that is such a deeply physical way to express his pain. I harbor so much resentment for H in this area. H resented his father for their poor relationship and feelings of abandonment and he has turned around and done the same to my S. It's up to us to make sure H's don't pass on those same hang-ups to our S's. Really pisses me off. I am so grateful for my S. He's away at school and we had some time to speak yesterday. He made me cry because he told me he missed me. It's been a long time since I've heard that and I will put that in my bag of wins in this sh!tty experience. We've grown so much closer and he's been there for me in more ways than I expected.

Also I just have to comment on OW1 and FB. You showed much restraint by not responding to her when she reached out to you. Holy cow, the nerve of these... I call H's OW the catfish. H likes to fish and he always told me those were the worst fish because they're bottom feeders and so she was christened!

Yes, peace has been kind enough to respond to my posts. Her thoughtful words have been so appreciated.

peace,

Thank you for the suggestion of attending a support group. Of course as you said to apply the tools, but I really do believe this forum, all of the reading I've been doing has helped me to process more quickly and not wallow as much. Believe me, I wallow, just not as much. The support group would be just another avenue to listen and relate. Coda is not one I'd heard of before and their checklist to identify patterns and characteristics of codependence is a real eye-opener. I'm going to have to sit with that when I have more time and can focus. I had started to think about my handling of certain situations with H and whether I was being codependent and should have done things differently. I have to say, it is sometimes overwhelming what has evolved from this, from lawyers to finances to emotional issues. I am trying to find the positives and the hopes this will help me grow.