She said she did it because people might talk and ask her about us. I know she did it because she didnt want OM to see it and get the wrong idea.
Exactly, so why did you ask her why she untagged herself? You knew why, and yet you were giving opportunity for a fight.
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The reason i went on the daytrip is the kids wanted it. They wanted to have a day all together.
That's the problem with in-house S. She gets the benefits of being M to you, and continue her affair. And with holidays coming, it will get worse. She'll want to spend a lot of money at Christmas, b\c "it may be the last one as a family"...... (That excuse is used a lot). So, I'm just saying that you need to get your head together and have a plan going forward, instead of flying by the seat of your pants and reacting from your emotional state.
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Her saying her heart was closed and would not open to working on us said a lot to me. If she has no intentions of ever working on the M where does that leave me?
Where did it leave you when she cheated?
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Should I add NC except for the kids and finances ?
You just had a day trip b\c the kids wanted everyone to be together, so how are you going to live in the same house with NC? Personally, I think NC living under the same roof would affect the kids emotionally as much as physical separation. Even small children know when mommy and daddy are mad and not speaking. That may be why your kids pushed for the family day trip. You have some very tough decisions to make, and you need to keep it real.
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She got pissed when i told her that OM's retirement was already gonna be split between three exes, which left nothing for her. And it made her mad when i told her he probably had a woman or two on the side. Her actions and words last night made me feel like dirt, like im not worth even trying for. So she achived her goal last night. I felt totally lost last night...
That type of going for the jugular fighting must stop! Her heart nor respect will ever be open if you continue this fashion of blood letting. Every time my H took a verbal shot at OM, I immediately defended OM in my heart. My H was mad and very unattractive when he was sounding off about OM. Sure, he was "right", but I was not in a logical frame of mind to listen to him being " right"! Neither is your WW. You cannot talk her into being right.
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To answer your other question, what do I intend to do if she has no intentions of working on us? right now ifeel like filing for D and let her see how that is going to pan out for her.
You cannot operate from your emotions. Please hear me. Your WW is acting from her emotions, so you cannot afford to do the same thing. From what you said above, it sounds like more of your punitive style (just like your fighting), instead of you coming to a calm, well thought out decision as to what would be best.
I can't remember if it was your thread or someone else that I suggested using the interaction with a store checkout clerk as an example of how to interact with your WW for the time being.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
