Well, you sure are in a tough situation. I would just have a couple of questions for you, from a bit more legal perspective-
1 - you are declaring bankruptcy to save your house, right? And your WW forced you into this situation. What is your motivation for trying to save the house? If you WW left for OM tomorrow and you knew you would never see her again, would you still go through with the bankruptcy to save the house? Basically, what I am asking is whether you have thought through your motivation. The universal instinct of every single BH I have dealt with to sell their souls and their bank accounts out of desperation to try to control the outcome and put things back they way they were. From this forum and the other, it sure looks like this is what you are doing. Not just the bankruptcy, but by letting your WW stick around, by not pushing separation or divorce, by continuing to provide for her in any way for nothing in return. I can tell you one thing for sure, I have never, ever had a BH who got through divorce regret his divorce a year later. But, every single one in hindsight wished a-they had done it sooner, and b-that they hadnt given anything away in the divorce.
2 - Do you think that your WW will end this behavior? You seem hyper focused on the fact that you cant understand how your WW will remain satisfied in her affair. Sorry to tell you, I have had many a BH come in after living in your situation for DECADES, and not a single one of them was the petitioner. Their WW's went from OM to OM, getting more and more brazen and disrespectful to their BHs, until they finally found someone they could actually latch onto, or in most cases, just realized from their divorced friends that they had put in their time and are now entitled to child support, lifetime alimony and half of everything on top. I think you need to accept that your WW may never stop or leave, because she is getting what she needs from you, and getting what she wants from OM. The only guarantee I can give you is that this behavior and disrespect will only get worse if you continue to put up with it.
As I mentioned I saw you have posted on multiple forums and seems like you are spinning your wheels between different approaches and fretting about how you should act this way or that way. I really dont think your behavior matters at all so long as your WW is allowed to continue unimpeded. You are fretting about backsliding or the underlying meaning of your WW's crazy actions. None of that matters at all because your WW will continue to do, and justify, whatever she wants to do no matter what until she cant. The only thing you can control is whether you are standing there watching (and really supporting) her continue to live her fantasy or turning your back and letting her try to live the reality she is creating.
