I think I know what you are asking :-) Sometimes if I go back and reread a post that I wrote, I can see where I am actually contradicting myself; that definitely helps me check myself and helps me look at things more objectively. For example, I have said how the Retro program has drilled the point home that Love, M, and Commitment are all choices and not feelings (or should not be decided based on emotions). And I do agree with this. Then I turn around and say, "but it doesn't feel right." So what I am saying is that understanding and agreeing with this ideology is not necessarily making it easier for me. Making a choice that doesn't feel right is hard.
you did mention that we all have choice. So? Or Is this a form of abuse for you? I'm asking, since you say that it's something you would not endure.
Guess your question is whether you are asking too much of yourself. Not whether you "should" but whether you can.
How can you figure that out
The abuse that some of the presenting couples have described seems extreme IMO: some of them have been through repeated adultery, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I mean in the M with the same person they have restored their M with. Some of them have been abused by their partner for most of the M. It honestly shocked me. I think the affect that it could have had would be that any M can be salvaged if both partners agree, even in the worse of circumstances. However I found myself thinking that no one should put up with that and if this had happened to me, I would move on and never look back. ... So what tho, as I am sure many people would look at my sitch and what my H did and think the same. We can't live based on what other people think tho.
All that being said, I always told myself that any type of infidelity would be unforgivable. So here I am trying to undo that. And I still say that now--that if H ever betrayed me again, I would end the M and never look back. ... These sort of absolutes make it hard to forgive the past. Because even tho I know that love is a choice, I feel that by going against my promises to myself and forgiving him, that I am somehow now betraying myself.
Not sure if that makes sense. Maybe I just don't know what I am going to do.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
