Hearing the Fat Lady Sing

[25yearsmlc]

ForGump,


Re casual sex, I think some people get pleasure from that, but others do not. I'm in the latter category, as far as I know, but have really only had one sexual relationship my whole life. You know yourself better than anyone else, so trust yourself.

Interesting topic and quite relevant. Yes FG, there are people our age who are just not in good shape. For me it's not about weight, per se. It's about being attracted to the man AND feeling attractive to him.

I want a healthy sex life and that was a strength in my m, until the very late part. (Then h got very one sided. I liked the intimacy even if I did not think I was going to get my "cookies." But that was with my h and I loved him a lot.)

RE a one night stand -yes I know they happen. A heavy friend of mine is VERY in tuned with her sexuality and is very active. She mentioned that she has to "communicate A LOT" with a new partner.

That's the thing - I don't think it would be rewarding for me or most women. A man has to know the woman well enough to know what works for her, and what is uncomfortable. Some men don't want the feedback as it hurts their ego.

I doubt a guy who I'm not really dating, would know or care about what I want/need to enjoy the sex. Anyhow, food for thought.

I agree about the out of shape comment. I look younger than my age, but I worry about being as desirable as I was in the past. I want to lose 10+lbs I gained the past year.
It nags at me.

I'm Not sure if it's the medication I'm on, or depression or my banged up knee, but I'm having to consciously watch what I eat more than I have maybe ever and force myself to exercise - which I used to like.

Here's the thing, if I don't feel my partner is attracted to me enough, then I won't want sex as much.

As for people our age and what we/they want, I heard that for people over 50, the concern is that "they either want a nurse or a purse."


I've been asked out by a handful of men. Sometimes It surprised me as I missed that they were going to ask me out or that they had! If the guy did not come right out and ask me for a date, I just didn't get it. (That's a sign of being married a long time and turning the antenna off.)

Good news is that I've met 2 guys my age, whom I felt very attracted to. I'm relieved!




Re 50 year old dating and hook ups, I'm not the expert (have never used a dating app), but I have enough single friends in that age range that I know it does happen.

Re health, the sad truth is most Americans by their 40s and 50s aren't in great shape, so if that's important to you, maybe you need to become more socially involved with a coed group of people that are interested in fitness/fitness related activities.

Glad to hear you are happy! You continue to be a source of support and inspiration to me in this journey.

FG,

The weight thing is hard to express, b/c you don't want to sound shallow.

But I also don't want to have to take care of another person anytime soon, as this is the first time in my life I've only been responsible for ME. (Meaning, someone very overweight is likely to have health issues now or soon.)

Is it selfish of me to not want to "nurse" a man in the (near) future?

I was faithful to my h so I understand the meaning of vows. So yeah, I want a basically partner - but not a work out nut!

My was in great shape. I'll give him that.
He also expressed disappointment in me for gaining any weight, and commented on women who gained even small amounts. Working out and his weight became an obsession, and he literally would tell me how much weight he lost after a work out.

Anyhow, I'm sensitive about what we are "allowed" to want.

FG is it really about weight, per se, or whether we are attracted to the person? Please tell me It's not selfish of us to want to feel basic attraction to them.

I'm asking.