Clyde, sorry you find yourself here! Your W's actions are unbelievable. There's absolutely no excusing the things she has done. BUT, there's a lot of info in your first post that positively screams "marriage about to fail".
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at the time of the incident I was putting in over 100 hours a week for over 2 months with out a single day off
100 hours a week! That would be 16 hours a day M-F plus 10 hours Sa and Su. I think it's very safe to say you were nonexistent around the house. Your W was suddenly left to do 100% of the housework, 100% of the childcare, 100% of everything with zero assistance from you. Plus she was getting no emotional support. You ceased to be a husband.
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prior to that I was averaging 60 hours a week (I'm in the construction industry)
60 hours is still a LOT. You're talking 12 hour days with maybe the weekends off, but still enough time that you were scarcely home during the week. I'm an architect so have worked closely with many people in the construction industry, and I also worked for a GC for a while. I know what a tight-knit family people become when they're involved in construction. They work together, go out to drink and eat together, shoot pool together, have BBQ's together. That is all great, but they heavily neglect their real family without realizing the damage they are causing. Divorce is positively rampant in construction and the stories are often quite similar to yours (other than your w's crazy antics). They are shocked and surprised, "it came out of nowhere", "she never said a word", etc. They don't seem to have a clue just how much they neglected their W and kids. They'll say things like "I took them on vacation just 3 months ago and we had a great time!" They just don't seem to get that you've got to be there EVERY DAY for them!
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My wife contested right away, said no way are we building a tree house till my daughter had her own room, (all three kids shared a room at the time, the plan was to convert a 3 walled office space in our house, into her bedroom). The tree house was a 1 day project, the bedroom was a 2 weak project. While I agree with the importance of my daughter having her own room I did not have 2 weeks to dedicate at the time, but I could take a day off and do the tree house.
I hope you understand the treehouse wasn't why your W left, it was just the last straw of a string of problems. She had been ready to bail already. Here you are working non-stop, not contributing as a husband, and finally you're going to take a day off to what? Build something completely frivolous. She's looking around at a house she can't keep up with, 3 kids stacked one on top of another in a single room, and you're going to waste your one day off in 2 MONTHS building a treehouse. I mean I'm pretty stunned just reading it, and reading you trying to justify it! It was a huge mistake on your part and I am not at all surprised it was her breaking point. I understand a family needs to make money to survive, but working 60-100 hours a week simply cannot be done without neglecting the needs of your family. You should have questioned your career a long time ago, and considered asking your W to go back to work so you could work less and spend more time with her and the kids.
So where do you go from here. Well you say you want to save your M, but like we tell everyone that comes here, your old M is dead and gone. You've got to give your W time and space and work on yourself. You've got to make yourself into the "spouse only a fool would leave". Get back in shape, be a fantastic father, dress better, groom better, GAL (get a life), be happy and healthy. And I think in your case- work less. I'm sure that'll be difficult since you've got to support your W separately now, but if there's a way you need to find it. With time, hopefully she will become attracted to you again and you can begin a NEW relationship with her. Good luck!
