Am I stuck?

[Accuray]

Stuck72,

There is nothing wrong with deciding to stand for your marriage for long periods of time, or deciding to stay single forever. Those are very valid choices *as long as you can find peace and happiness in those contexts*

If you can't find peace and happiness in your current path, then you need to change it. I can't summarize things any more succinctly than that.

From my read of your story, you've been horrendously hurt and betrayed by your H. You've done the best you can to cope with that.

I believe that your rejection of suitors is rooted in the fear that you'll be hurt like this again, and you do *not* want that to happen and are protecting yourself from it by drawing yourself into your shell.

Unfortunately, this protectionist strategy is making you depressed, so it is not sustainable!

At some point, you will need to take chances on trusting people again, particularly men. This will be an enormously scary leap of faith, like jumping out of an airplane. It will always be 100% easier to take a step back than it will be to take a step forward.

Am I telling you to give up on your husband and run out and start dating? No. But I am suggesting that you need to GAL much more than you are currently, and you need to do it in the context of making some platonic friendships with men that you can learn will not hurt you. Then decide what you want from there.

I strongly suggest you talk to your doctor about your feelings of depression, and work with a life coach on what you want for yourself and your life and how you should approach getting it.

Life is too short to be unhappy for very long, and your children are not well served if their mother is unhappy. You'll be doing them a huge favor by navigating a better path for yourself.

Here's what I learned from my journey: you will never be hurt like this again. Why? Because after you've gone through it once and survived, you learn that such things are survivable.

If you go into another relationship armed with the knowledge that being betrayed is survivable, then the consequences of the relationship ending are less dire and less scary, and therefore of less consequence.

I know I survived the end of a 20 year relationship once, ending in total disappointment and betrayal. As it was happening I feared I may not be able to recover.

I have recovered, I know I can recover again, and therefore nothing life can throw at me is scary enough to prevent me from taking a chance and trusting people.

Make sense?

Acc